Funny Picture of the Week

There are only three things I hate about this years Sonics team. First, the sad fact that no one cares and that they may leave. Two, Earl "the Hurl" Watson. And third, "Worthless" Wally Szczerbiak.

In our "Funny Picture of the Week," Gary Payton does what he has been doing for the past 20 years, and represents the feelings of Sonics fans every where. I have always wished that Gary had worn a microphone during his playing days, and this picture is the perfect example of why. Can you imagine the trash that he is talking to Worthless Wally. Even funnier, would be to hear the pathetic comeback that Wally would attempt to give. "Leave me alone Gary. I wear hair gel during NBA basketball games. I'm a virgin." I think it would sound something like that. My favorite part of this picture, though, is that crazy ass Latrell Sprewell is the one trying to separate the two. Latrell's crazy engine is powered by irony.

I went to the Sonics game last Friday versus the Bucks. This was the second game I've been to this season, and I have to say, this team is fun to watch. Sure, they can't defend anybody. Okay, they don't have a real point guard. Fine, they may leave town, and break all of our hearts. But once you get past that, they are a really exciting team. Another reason last Friday's game was so fun was because I got to take Ben Steitzer to his first NBA game. They always tell you that if you are not enjoying sports the way you used to, to take a kid to a game and watch how much fun they have. Well, that is sort of like what I did. Except my love for sports has never been stronger, and Ben isn't a little kid. The results, however, were phenomenal.

NBA games are by far the most fan friendly of all pro sporting events. They eliminate most of the problems that people have with other sporting events, and add much more to the table. The games are inside, so you can't complain about the weather. The action almost never stops, so you are always engaged. And when it does stop, they have break dancing, and dunking ushers, and free give aways, and music, and all sorts of other ADD friendly activities. Try to take a non-sports fan to a baseball game and see what happens...they'll hate it. Take Ben to a basketball game and now he loves Kevin Durant and wants to go again. Thanks to me, and KD, the Sonics have a new fan, and one more reason not to leave town. If Ben Steitzer likes it, it is good. (see: fruit snacks, pizza, Carlo Rossi, Cohen Brothers movies, and now Sonics Basketball)

Speaking of Kevin Durant, every time I go to a game this year, he scores 35 and we win. Honestly, I have been to two games this year, and he has dropped 35 both times, and we have recorded 2 of our 3 home victories. More importantly, he is 19! Please, allow me to repeat that. HE IS 19!!! I realize that we are all jaded to the thought of a teenager killing the league, due to the man-child LeBron James. But there are things about Kevin Durant that make what he is doing very different from what LBJ did at 19. First of all, Durant isn't a man-child. In fact, he isn't strong at all. Remember when he couldn't lift 180 pounds at the pre-draft camp? And how certain moronic sports writers, Skip Bayless, thought that would effect his pro game and drop his draft stock. Well he's still killing almost everybody. And unlike LeBron at 19, who was so strong that he couldn't really get any stronger, Kevin Durant is only going to grow into his lanky body. The only guys that give him any trouble right now are guys like Stephen Jackson, who can kill Durant's length by bodying him and pushing him around. Imagine him three years from now, when he has put on 25 pounds of muscle. He's going to be the longest, strongest, fastest, craftiest scorer in the league. Plus he has the drive and will to win of Kevin Garnett. I am visibly giddy right now. I am grinning.

Let's get back to the "Funny Picture". Wally, Wally, Wally. Oh how I hate you. Granted, I was gonna hate Wally World whether he came here and played well or not, but I didn't expect this sort of performance from the ex-All-Star. As we all recall, he scored a career high 43 points against the Huskies in the NCAA tourney back in 1999, and effectively killed our season. I have not forgetten about this, so unless he came here and averaged 20 points a game and hit a bunch of game winners, I was going to hate him. He is averaging 11 points per game, and he hasn't hit a single game winner. Thus...hatred. Here are the Top 10 problems I have with Dubya, besides the historical hatred.

10. He wears hair gel during games.
9. The first four letters of his last name are, S-Z-C-Z. Can I buy a vowel?
8. He looks like Steve Stiffler.
7. He once complained about getting more shots while on the same team as Kevin Garnett.
6. His first name is Wally.
5. His vertical leap is 7 inches.
4. He has gained 35 pounds in the past year.
3. He wears number 3 for the Sonics, and he is not named Dale Ellis.
2. He got in Gary Payton's face. (see above photo)
1. He actually pumped his fist after a made free throw during the third quarter of last Friday's game, while in the midst of an 0-7 shooting streak. He missed the first free throw, then rattled home the second, and celebrated with an emotional fist pump as he trudged back down court.

Other than him and Earl "the Hurl", I love this team. I beg you to go and support these guys. It is worth your time. In fact, if anybody wants to go see a game over the holiday, holler at your boy. I always have tickets, and it is important to me that I personally convince any nay sayers. For the first time in my life, I ask you to follow in the sports fan footsteps of Ben Steitzer. One down, a whole city to go.