This weeks biggest douche bag has been on our list before, and will most likely be on it again. Only next time he'll probably either be unemployed or play for the Winnipeg Blue Bombers. Yes, this weeks biggest DB is the soon to be ex-Seahawk RB, Shaun Alexander. In a week where the Hawks went out and signed two running backs that are both younger, and have smaller contracts, Shaun Alexander appears to be on his way out of town. I don't know about you, but I couldn't take another year of dodging contact, missed blocks, and excuses. And as many memories as 37 has provided, the last two years have been increasingly frustrating. And while I do feel a little bit bad for the guy, I felt like one last Douche Bag of the Week award was the best way for Road to the Big Time to send him out.
Since most of the current Seahawks fans have only been fans since 2005, it is probably going to be pretty hard for them to imagine the Seahawks without Shaun. Let me be the first to tell you that it is going to be okay. Life will go on. You will love again. The first time Julius Jones runs for 100 yards and does the sprinkler dance you'll all forget about old Shaun What's His Name anyway. If you don't believe me, here is a story that might help you quantify the loss you are about to feel.
Growing up, many of us had dogs as pets. I had a small white retriever named Squirt. I got Squirt when I was seven, and he and I were best friends. He was fast, agile, great at fetch, and pretty good at sitting and rolling over too. But as Squirt got older, he became less and less able to do the every day dog activities that I was used to. Fetch went from an hour of fun and exercise, to one or two throws followed by lots of water and panting. And as hard as it was to admit that Squirt wasn't a puppy any more, my family and I came to grips with the fact that we may have to some day replace Squirt with a new puppy who could fetch.
The day my dad came home with Rover was a very strange day. Squirt was washing one of his arthritis pills down with about a gallon of water, when his entire world changed. One minute he was the center of our domestic world; Hours of petting, monthly trips to the vet, even the expensive food from the can. Who was this new dog? So young. So agile. Squirt didn't know exactly what was happening, but he was pretty sure that his run at the top maybe soon coming to an end.
Running backs are like dogs. Families, like football franchises, last for decades. Dogs, like running backs, last about 10 years. One day you are eating a milk bone in the den while getting your tummy rubbed, the next day you are in the back seat of the Le Baron on the way to the vet for a "shot".
Shaun Alexander is on his way to the vet...so to speak.
He was the first MVP in franchise history, he led us to our first ever Super Bowl appearance, we aren't going to forget him. But for the good of everyone involved, Shaun Alexander included, it is time to move forward. So whether you are sad to see him go, or you have waiting for this day for two years like me, pay the guy your respect. And hey, at least we aren't injecting him with an overdose of an anesthetic solution. Sorry Squirt.
Monday, March 10, 2008
Sunday, March 9, 2008
Save Our Sonics, Call Your Legislator
PLEASE call your legislators if you have not already done so. The number is:
1-800-562-600
These calls really do have a huge impact. The fate of the Sonics may be decided in the next three days. I am sure you have read about the proposed Key Arena remodel. This deal is an absolute no-brainer and must be approved during the current legislative session. Please call your legislators and voice your approval. Here are some key talking points:
1) This is extremely time sensitive: Must be done before the NBA owners meeting (mid-April) to be effective
2) This is an unprecedented offer of private money that will support the Key Arena and Seattle Center as a whole
3) Even Critics of Arena spending are finding this to be a GOOD DEAL. This bill actually puts MORE money towards public programs in the long term because it finds specific revenue streams to make needed debt paydown and improvements to the Key Arena. If the Sonics leave these items will still need to be done and with no specific revenue streams allocated for them the improvement will have to come from the general fund.
4) The state CAN do this if they so choose. They will have to make an exception to the rule but have the ability if they want.
5) City funds will be collected via a user fee and NO state funds are required. The state is ONLY being asked to authorize King County to collect the funds from existing sources.
If you really want to make a difference the time is now. The reality is that Sonics can be saved, and sports fans like us are the key to getting this done. Save Our Sonics.
1-800-562-600
These calls really do have a huge impact. The fate of the Sonics may be decided in the next three days. I am sure you have read about the proposed Key Arena remodel. This deal is an absolute no-brainer and must be approved during the current legislative session. Please call your legislators and voice your approval. Here are some key talking points:
1) This is extremely time sensitive: Must be done before the NBA owners meeting (mid-April) to be effective
2) This is an unprecedented offer of private money that will support the Key Arena and Seattle Center as a whole
3) Even Critics of Arena spending are finding this to be a GOOD DEAL. This bill actually puts MORE money towards public programs in the long term because it finds specific revenue streams to make needed debt paydown and improvements to the Key Arena. If the Sonics leave these items will still need to be done and with no specific revenue streams allocated for them the improvement will have to come from the general fund.
4) The state CAN do this if they so choose. They will have to make an exception to the rule but have the ability if they want.
5) City funds will be collected via a user fee and NO state funds are required. The state is ONLY being asked to authorize King County to collect the funds from existing sources.
If you really want to make a difference the time is now. The reality is that Sonics can be saved, and sports fans like us are the key to getting this done. Save Our Sonics.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Funny Picture of the Week
I was at work a few Saturdays ago, when I got a frantic call from my estranged roommate. Barry had been gone on his snowboarding sojourn for over three weeks, and aside from a few facebook wall posts, and late night drunken text messages, I hadn't heard from Barry at all. So needless to say, I was excited. But before I could utter a single word, Barry staring rattling off some crazy line of questions about a former Utah Jazz basketball player.
Now, as I do know a little bit about sports, I am used to calls like this from friends. Whether it be call from a Sonics game from a friend who can't remember the name of that tall left handed guy, who used to shoot all those three's back in the mid 90's (Sam Perkins), or an angry and confused buddy who wants to know why the Mariners would pay $40 million for some fat guy from Minnesota (Carlos Silva), I am pretty used to answering random questions. But I wanted to talk to my buddy Barry.
Here is a script of our conversation:
Me: "Hey, whattup Barry?" I answered excitedly.
Barry: "What is the name of that big tall guy that used to play for the Jazz?"
Me: "What? Where are you?"
Barry: "Utah...what is that guys name?"
Me: "Uh...what? Tall guy? Utah? Uh...when did you get to Utah?"
Barry: "I can't talk long dude, what is that really tall guys name?"
Me: "Tall guy from Utah? I don't know, is he white?"
Barry: "Yeah, he's white and really really tall...like 7 foot 5."
Me: "Oh, that's Mark Eaton...that guy is a huge freak."
Barry: "Mark Eaton...cool dude, thanks. Gotta run."
Me: "What?....."
"Click"
This is how Barry operates. I guess it is impossible not to run at 100 miles per hour when you are constantly high on Skittles and Starbursts. I remained confused about this whole interaction until I received the picture posted above in an email two days later. Barry explained that the pointedness of his call was necessary because they had to chase big Mark down and ask for the picture...but they didn't feel comfortable asking him if they didn't know his name. Even before I knew the extent of the story, I was proud of my quick pull on Eaton's name, but when I found out that the picture wouldn't have happened had my mental rolodex of sports knowledge not been so astute, I was downright proud. It isn't every day that I can apply my sports geekiness in any sort of practical fashion, and it makes me very happy any time I can.
Other funny notes on this picture:
1. Barry is 6'6'', and he looks like a little kid next that giant freak.
2. The skier in the background has a full body, turquoise jump suit.
3. Barry has a moustache.
4. How is it possible that Mark Eaton could play a full NBA career, be that tall, and still be able to ski? That is unbelievable. How can his knees handle it? He is a freak.
5. Can you think of anything funnier than seeing Mark Eaton hit a huge jump? No you can't, it'd be hilarious.
Mark Eaton's career stats:
Games: 875, Games Started: 815, Minutes: 25169, Field Goals Made: 2072,
Field Goals Attempted: 4526, FG Percentage: .458, 3-pointers made: 0,
3-pointers attempted: 2, Total Rebounds: 6939, Assists: 840, Steals: 368,
Blocks: 3064, Points: 5216
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Love vs. Haters
I try my hardest to avoid writing serious blogs. I know that this is a place that you all come to laugh...or at least I hope it is. But there are some things that I cannot avoid talking about, as they strike a chord so deeply rooted in my love for sports that I have no choice but to write about them.
There are reasons that we all love sports specific to our own personalities. Some people love hard work. Some people love athleticism. Some love tradition, or trash talkers, or underdogs. There are as many reasons to love sports as there are sports, or teams, or athletes. But there is one thing in sports that is simply universal. Something that everyone that is truly a sports fan understands. It's what made you jump up and scream with delight, and hug your best friend as you danced around your living room when the Seahawks crushed the Panthers. It's what made you kick a hole in your mom's wall when Richard Hamilton made that last second fade away. It's what made Griffey smile from here to Cooperstown on the bottom of the pile at home plate. It's what made Joey Cora cry in the dugout, and it's what made Alex Rodriguez console him.
It's what made Brett Favre tick.
It's love. The love of the game.
I know a lot of ridiculous, corny, romantic, and possibly even unnecessary things have been written about Brett Favre. And this blog maybe one of them. But for once, in a sports world that completely blows everything out of proportion, I am going to buy into it. And for once, on a blogsite that usually makes fun of the "feel good" story, I am going to try to make you feel good.
Brett Favre announced today that he will call it quits after 17 years of record setting football; that part you already know. What you don't know is how this, whether you loved Favre or not, directly effects you the sports fan. Because as sports fans we are war with haters. People who do not, and will not, love sports. The Nick LaCottas of the world, who feel that sports have no cultural value. The high brows who scoff when you turn the game on or laugh at you if you ask them if they know the final score of the Mariners game. Call them what you want. But for the purposes of this blog, we will simply call them Haters.
You maybe asking what Brett Favre has to do with our fight, Haters don't care about football. Haters only like Emo and coffee. You're right, Haters don't care about football. You could sit there and tell a Hater every single record that Favre has broken. Tell them that he passed for more yards, or touchdowns than anybody else in history. Tell them that he played in 275 games in a row. Tell them that he won more games than anyone else who ever played. You could tell a Hater what ever you wanted to about Brett Favre's football stats, if they turned their Zune off for long enough to listen, and they would never ever care. But that isn't why we love him, and that isn't how he is going to help us.
The next time a Hater gives you that steely-eyed glare, that every fan knows so well, as you open the paper and go straight for the sports page, ask them this. What do you love? But before they can rattle off some condescending response like "art", finish the question. What do you love, as much as I love sports? If they don't have anything that they can admit that they love, then you have already won the argument. But chances are, they will have some sort of answer, whether it actually be art, or music, or politics, or law or whatever, as long as they have an answer then you are playing ball. Excuse the pun. This is where Brett Favre can be used to your advantage. Because whether you like Favre or not, he the embodiment of love in sports. The way he wore his emotions, and played with his heart. The improvisation that he played with. His unconventional style. The joy that he evoked and invoked. His passion. His love.
Spell it out to a Hater like that, and even if they don't like sports, they will see Favre as the icon that they love. Favre is Picasso. He is the Rolling Stones. He is the reason that sports are great. It is lame, and difficult to give one man that much responsibility, or even that much credit, but it's true. I'm not saying that there should be pictures of Favre in the Louvre, or that he should be on the Supreme Court. But in the context of sports, he is what we love. And while it maybe difficult for some to find value in sports, only Haters can't find value in love.
By the way...he will come out of retirement in June or July.
There are reasons that we all love sports specific to our own personalities. Some people love hard work. Some people love athleticism. Some love tradition, or trash talkers, or underdogs. There are as many reasons to love sports as there are sports, or teams, or athletes. But there is one thing in sports that is simply universal. Something that everyone that is truly a sports fan understands. It's what made you jump up and scream with delight, and hug your best friend as you danced around your living room when the Seahawks crushed the Panthers. It's what made you kick a hole in your mom's wall when Richard Hamilton made that last second fade away. It's what made Griffey smile from here to Cooperstown on the bottom of the pile at home plate. It's what made Joey Cora cry in the dugout, and it's what made Alex Rodriguez console him.
It's what made Brett Favre tick.
It's love. The love of the game.
I know a lot of ridiculous, corny, romantic, and possibly even unnecessary things have been written about Brett Favre. And this blog maybe one of them. But for once, in a sports world that completely blows everything out of proportion, I am going to buy into it. And for once, on a blogsite that usually makes fun of the "feel good" story, I am going to try to make you feel good.
Brett Favre announced today that he will call it quits after 17 years of record setting football; that part you already know. What you don't know is how this, whether you loved Favre or not, directly effects you the sports fan. Because as sports fans we are war with haters. People who do not, and will not, love sports. The Nick LaCottas of the world, who feel that sports have no cultural value. The high brows who scoff when you turn the game on or laugh at you if you ask them if they know the final score of the Mariners game. Call them what you want. But for the purposes of this blog, we will simply call them Haters.
You maybe asking what Brett Favre has to do with our fight, Haters don't care about football. Haters only like Emo and coffee. You're right, Haters don't care about football. You could sit there and tell a Hater every single record that Favre has broken. Tell them that he passed for more yards, or touchdowns than anybody else in history. Tell them that he played in 275 games in a row. Tell them that he won more games than anyone else who ever played. You could tell a Hater what ever you wanted to about Brett Favre's football stats, if they turned their Zune off for long enough to listen, and they would never ever care. But that isn't why we love him, and that isn't how he is going to help us.
The next time a Hater gives you that steely-eyed glare, that every fan knows so well, as you open the paper and go straight for the sports page, ask them this. What do you love? But before they can rattle off some condescending response like "art", finish the question. What do you love, as much as I love sports? If they don't have anything that they can admit that they love, then you have already won the argument. But chances are, they will have some sort of answer, whether it actually be art, or music, or politics, or law or whatever, as long as they have an answer then you are playing ball. Excuse the pun. This is where Brett Favre can be used to your advantage. Because whether you like Favre or not, he the embodiment of love in sports. The way he wore his emotions, and played with his heart. The improvisation that he played with. His unconventional style. The joy that he evoked and invoked. His passion. His love.
Spell it out to a Hater like that, and even if they don't like sports, they will see Favre as the icon that they love. Favre is Picasso. He is the Rolling Stones. He is the reason that sports are great. It is lame, and difficult to give one man that much responsibility, or even that much credit, but it's true. I'm not saying that there should be pictures of Favre in the Louvre, or that he should be on the Supreme Court. But in the context of sports, he is what we love. And while it maybe difficult for some to find value in sports, only Haters can't find value in love.
By the way...he will come out of retirement in June or July.
Monday, March 3, 2008
My Friends Look Like Famous Athletes
Here it is, the triumphant return of "My Friends Look Like Famous Athletes." And I have a look alike that is my favorite so far. Did you hear what I just said?!? My favorite one!! I like it better than the Gelinas/Medvedenko duo, more than Scarpelli/Reali, even more than Emmick/Brady. So, without further ado, I give you Pau and the Pony.
Here is the newest Laker, and every ones favorite unshaven Spaniard, Pau Gasol.
And here is my buddy, The Pony, Ryan Delaney.
Here is the newest Laker, and every ones favorite unshaven Spaniard, Pau Gasol.
And here is my buddy, The Pony, Ryan Delaney.
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Fave 5 Players to Hate
I was happy to give you all a look into my favorite five guys to watch this season in college basketball. But we all know that I would much rather talk about things that bother me than things that I like. That is why this blog will be dedicated to the five guys in college basketball that I love to hate. The mere sight of these guys sends me into a profanity laden rage. I can't stand their style of play, the way they look, or the things they say. But, the older that I get, the more I realize that these are the guys that fuel my fire for sports. I find myself far more into a game if I am actively rooting against a player or a team, than if I am rooting for a player or a team. If that makes me a hater, then so be it. But I know one thing, making fun of guys is a lot funnier than praising them.
When reading about who I hate most in college basketball, you'll notice that these guys have quite a bit in common. I won't tell you what these similarities are, but let me know if you notice. Also, please accept my apology now if you are white, ugly, or a Duke Blue Devil. God save you if you're all three.
Without any further ado, here are my "Fave Five" players to hate in 2007-2008's college basketball season.
Greg Paulus, Duke-
"What? How can you hate Greg Paulus? He is great. He was an All-American in both football and basketball in high school. He had to make the choice between Duke to play basketball, and Notre Dame to play football. He has gotten better every year of college. And he is one of the hardest working guys in the country."
Here is my retort.
The fact that he considered either Duke or Notre Dame as acceptable options for his collegiate career is about as much as I need to hate a guy. In fact, anyone who would even think about going to Notre Dame is an idiot. And I'm not just mad about the ethnic insensitivity of the mascot either. There are more douche bags between Notre Dame football and Duke B-ball alumni than a Dave Mathews concert at the Gorge.
"What? I love DMB."
In conclusion. If you like Greg Paulus, Duke, Notre Dame, or DMB at the Gorge...you are a douche bag. Also, I have no real reason to hate Greg Paulus, I just do. Duke Point Guard + hard nosed honky = Hate Hate Hate Hate.
Luke Harangody, Notre Dame-
The mere thought of attending Notre Dame was enough for me to hate Greg Paulus, so you can imagine what a guy who actually goes there does to me.
Luke Harangody is basically Notre Dame's version of Jon Brockman. A 20 and 10 guy who has no chance of being any good in the NBA, who all the home fans love, but everybody else absolutely despises. A hard working Catholic boy, who has probably broken his nose more times than he's had sex. Who's only move can aptly be described as "lower your shoulder and plow."
Also, Harangody looks exactly like every meat head frat guy from every college movie that was released in the late 70's and early 80's. Tell me that this isn't an exact mix between Jon Brockman and the bully from "Revenge of the Nerds 2", http://vmedia.rivals.com/IMAGES/PROSPECT/PHOTO/LUKEHARANGODY6_7A150.JPG.
Aaron Baynes, Washington State-
Basically take everything that I said about Harangody, then add the fact that Baynes is a left handed Coug from Australia, and we have a quite a recipe for hate. He reminds me of the white guy from "Blood Sport". You know, the guy that wore he Harley Davidson bandana, and got his spine broken by Chong Li. If only Chong Li would make a trip to Pullman.
Brooke Lopez/Robin Lopez, Stanford-
As if one giant, ugly, shot blocking Stanford Cardinal wasn't enough. I hate these guys so much that I'm mad at their mom for allowing her egg to split...I think that's how twins happen isn't it. Who knows? Anyway, these two look like trolls. The only way you can tell them apart is that Brook has short hair, ad Robin has long hair. And that Brook is twice as good as Robin. It's gonna suck when Brook is in the NBA and Robin has to go back home and be the assistant coach on his high school JV team.
Lorenzo Mata-Real, UCLA-
I retract the statement that I made two days ago about Henry Waxman. He is not the ugliest man alive. That honor is undeniably held by Lorenzo Mata-Real. Although, after a comment made by an astute reader named Gabe Showalter, I am pretty sure that Henry Waxman is the father of Lorenzo Mata-Real...Which makes them the ugliest family in the world. The Lopez family is relieved.
Sixth Man:
David Pendergraft, Gonzaga-
Uh...redheaded.
When reading about who I hate most in college basketball, you'll notice that these guys have quite a bit in common. I won't tell you what these similarities are, but let me know if you notice. Also, please accept my apology now if you are white, ugly, or a Duke Blue Devil. God save you if you're all three.
Without any further ado, here are my "Fave Five" players to hate in 2007-2008's college basketball season.
Greg Paulus, Duke-
"What? How can you hate Greg Paulus? He is great. He was an All-American in both football and basketball in high school. He had to make the choice between Duke to play basketball, and Notre Dame to play football. He has gotten better every year of college. And he is one of the hardest working guys in the country."
Here is my retort.
The fact that he considered either Duke or Notre Dame as acceptable options for his collegiate career is about as much as I need to hate a guy. In fact, anyone who would even think about going to Notre Dame is an idiot. And I'm not just mad about the ethnic insensitivity of the mascot either. There are more douche bags between Notre Dame football and Duke B-ball alumni than a Dave Mathews concert at the Gorge.
"What? I love DMB."
In conclusion. If you like Greg Paulus, Duke, Notre Dame, or DMB at the Gorge...you are a douche bag. Also, I have no real reason to hate Greg Paulus, I just do. Duke Point Guard + hard nosed honky = Hate Hate Hate Hate.
Luke Harangody, Notre Dame-
The mere thought of attending Notre Dame was enough for me to hate Greg Paulus, so you can imagine what a guy who actually goes there does to me.
Luke Harangody is basically Notre Dame's version of Jon Brockman. A 20 and 10 guy who has no chance of being any good in the NBA, who all the home fans love, but everybody else absolutely despises. A hard working Catholic boy, who has probably broken his nose more times than he's had sex. Who's only move can aptly be described as "lower your shoulder and plow."
Also, Harangody looks exactly like every meat head frat guy from every college movie that was released in the late 70's and early 80's. Tell me that this isn't an exact mix between Jon Brockman and the bully from "Revenge of the Nerds 2", http://vmedia.rivals.com/IMAGES/PROSPECT/PHOTO/LUKEHARANGODY6_7A150.JPG.
Aaron Baynes, Washington State-
Basically take everything that I said about Harangody, then add the fact that Baynes is a left handed Coug from Australia, and we have a quite a recipe for hate. He reminds me of the white guy from "Blood Sport". You know, the guy that wore he Harley Davidson bandana, and got his spine broken by Chong Li. If only Chong Li would make a trip to Pullman.
Brooke Lopez/Robin Lopez, Stanford-
As if one giant, ugly, shot blocking Stanford Cardinal wasn't enough. I hate these guys so much that I'm mad at their mom for allowing her egg to split...I think that's how twins happen isn't it. Who knows? Anyway, these two look like trolls. The only way you can tell them apart is that Brook has short hair, ad Robin has long hair. And that Brook is twice as good as Robin. It's gonna suck when Brook is in the NBA and Robin has to go back home and be the assistant coach on his high school JV team.
Lorenzo Mata-Real, UCLA-
I retract the statement that I made two days ago about Henry Waxman. He is not the ugliest man alive. That honor is undeniably held by Lorenzo Mata-Real. Although, after a comment made by an astute reader named Gabe Showalter, I am pretty sure that Henry Waxman is the father of Lorenzo Mata-Real...Which makes them the ugliest family in the world. The Lopez family is relieved.
Sixth Man:
David Pendergraft, Gonzaga-
Uh...redheaded.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
My Friends Look Like Famous Athletes
Here it is, the triumphant return of "My Friends Look Like Famous Athletes." And I have a look alike that is my favorite so far. Did you hear what I just said?!? My favorite one!! I like it better than the Gelinas/Medvedenko duo, more than Scarpelli/Reali, even more than Emmick/Brady. So, without further ado, I give you Pau and the Pony.
Here is the newest Laker, and every ones favorite unshaven Spaniard, Pau Gasol.
And here is my buddy, The Pony, Ryan Delaney.
Here is the newest Laker, and every ones favorite unshaven Spaniard, Pau Gasol.
And here is my buddy, The Pony, Ryan Delaney.
Friday, February 22, 2008
Trading Away W's
Did you know that until today the Sonics were tied for the league lead in W's?
That's right, we were right up there with the Golden State Warriors. With Earl Watson, Chris Wilcox, Damien Wilkins, and Dalonte West, we had the league lead in guys who's last names start with W.
When your team is as bad as ours is, keeping track of last names is a great way to forget that we lose nearly every night.
But now, we are in a 4 way tie for second, with only three W's left. Leaving CJ Watson, DaJuan Wagner, Brandon Wright, Chris Webber and the aptly named Warriors alone in first place. Congrats fellas.
Along with West, went Wally, to the Cleveland Cavaliers (who acquired two W's today in West and Ben Wallace) in exchange for a couple of pairs of Adidas and three basketballs. I'm joking of course, we got Ira Newbel, who is not nearly as valuable as any pair of Adidas...let alone two pair. Again, I am joking. I am huge fan of what we did this week in terms of trades. We had three trade worthy players, and we traded all three of them.
Here is a brief run down on the trades, and my thoughts:
-The Kurt Thomas trade-
After hearing that we traded Kurt to San Antonio for Brent Barry and Fransisco Elson, I had three knee jerk thoughs: 1. Cool, Brent Barry* is back, I always liked that guy. 2. Great, Fransisco Elson, another crappy foreign black guy that sucks at center. 3. I knew Sam Presti didn't want anyone on the team older than him...also Presti is great.
In fact, after looking at this trade, I bet Presti signed Thomas in the off season with this exact trade in mind. He used to work for the Spurs, he knew how much they were going to need a veteran rebounder for this years run, and he made a move that he knew could get us much more than we deserve. Think about it. We unloaded an aging player in Thomas, who was going to make $8 million this year, and who was most likely going to move on after the season any way since his contract will be up. We picked up two guys, who also have expiring contracts, and who earn a combined $8 million. So basically, those guys cancel each other out. But along with them, we got a first round draft pick in the 2009 draft.
Sam Presti is to draft picks, as Barack Obama is to delegates. They are racking them up.
*The Sonics bought out Barry's contract today. Sadly, there will be no glorious return for Bones.
-The Deltonte West, Wally Szczerbiak trade-
Here were my three knee jerk reactions to this trade: 1. Wow, just when I come around on Wally, we go and get rid of him...too bad. 2. Ben Steitzer is going to be pissed, he loved Delonte West. 3. Sam Presti is not scared.
Indeed, Presti is not scared. He has made more moves in his first 6 months as the Sonics GM than Wally Walker made in his whole career. Presti has a very specific idea of what he wants this team to look like, and he is doing everything that he need to do to make that happen. If you are old, or slow, or you have a big contract, you are most likely not going to be a Sonic in the next few years. He realizes that he is going to have to eat a bit of the money from the old and slow guys he inherited, but he is managing to do so while also getting loads of draft picks in the process. The Sonics have two first round draft picks in each of the next three drafts, and 13 picks in the next 3 drafts over all. Presti wants a team just like him, fresh and young.
Along with my boy Ben Steitzer, I am sad to see West go. It is always good to have a guy around who you can count on for some great quotes. Plus he is the starting 2 guard on the "All Bad Tattoo" Team, and it is sad to see that leave town too. Although we still have the starting center on that team, in Robert Swift.
It's also sad to think that young Maximus won't get to grow up here in Seattle. He, and daddy Wally, will have to learn to love Cleveland. Playing along side a player like LeBron should help a lot in that process. Not only because LeBron is a great player who undoubtedly make Wally better, but because LeBron also has a propensity for naming his children funny names. Young Maximus Szczerbiak will feel right at home with the likes of LeBron James Jr., and LeBron's second child, Bryce Maximus James. You can't make this stuff up.
The NBA, where Maximus happens.
That's right, we were right up there with the Golden State Warriors. With Earl Watson, Chris Wilcox, Damien Wilkins, and Dalonte West, we had the league lead in guys who's last names start with W.
When your team is as bad as ours is, keeping track of last names is a great way to forget that we lose nearly every night.
But now, we are in a 4 way tie for second, with only three W's left. Leaving CJ Watson, DaJuan Wagner, Brandon Wright, Chris Webber and the aptly named Warriors alone in first place. Congrats fellas.
Along with West, went Wally, to the Cleveland Cavaliers (who acquired two W's today in West and Ben Wallace) in exchange for a couple of pairs of Adidas and three basketballs. I'm joking of course, we got Ira Newbel, who is not nearly as valuable as any pair of Adidas...let alone two pair. Again, I am joking. I am huge fan of what we did this week in terms of trades. We had three trade worthy players, and we traded all three of them.
Here is a brief run down on the trades, and my thoughts:
-The Kurt Thomas trade-
After hearing that we traded Kurt to San Antonio for Brent Barry and Fransisco Elson, I had three knee jerk thoughs: 1. Cool, Brent Barry* is back, I always liked that guy. 2. Great, Fransisco Elson, another crappy foreign black guy that sucks at center. 3. I knew Sam Presti didn't want anyone on the team older than him...also Presti is great.
In fact, after looking at this trade, I bet Presti signed Thomas in the off season with this exact trade in mind. He used to work for the Spurs, he knew how much they were going to need a veteran rebounder for this years run, and he made a move that he knew could get us much more than we deserve. Think about it. We unloaded an aging player in Thomas, who was going to make $8 million this year, and who was most likely going to move on after the season any way since his contract will be up. We picked up two guys, who also have expiring contracts, and who earn a combined $8 million. So basically, those guys cancel each other out. But along with them, we got a first round draft pick in the 2009 draft.
Sam Presti is to draft picks, as Barack Obama is to delegates. They are racking them up.
*The Sonics bought out Barry's contract today. Sadly, there will be no glorious return for Bones.
-The Deltonte West, Wally Szczerbiak trade-
Here were my three knee jerk reactions to this trade: 1. Wow, just when I come around on Wally, we go and get rid of him...too bad. 2. Ben Steitzer is going to be pissed, he loved Delonte West. 3. Sam Presti is not scared.
Indeed, Presti is not scared. He has made more moves in his first 6 months as the Sonics GM than Wally Walker made in his whole career. Presti has a very specific idea of what he wants this team to look like, and he is doing everything that he need to do to make that happen. If you are old, or slow, or you have a big contract, you are most likely not going to be a Sonic in the next few years. He realizes that he is going to have to eat a bit of the money from the old and slow guys he inherited, but he is managing to do so while also getting loads of draft picks in the process. The Sonics have two first round draft picks in each of the next three drafts, and 13 picks in the next 3 drafts over all. Presti wants a team just like him, fresh and young.
Along with my boy Ben Steitzer, I am sad to see West go. It is always good to have a guy around who you can count on for some great quotes. Plus he is the starting 2 guard on the "All Bad Tattoo" Team, and it is sad to see that leave town too. Although we still have the starting center on that team, in Robert Swift.
It's also sad to think that young Maximus won't get to grow up here in Seattle. He, and daddy Wally, will have to learn to love Cleveland. Playing along side a player like LeBron should help a lot in that process. Not only because LeBron is a great player who undoubtedly make Wally better, but because LeBron also has a propensity for naming his children funny names. Young Maximus Szczerbiak will feel right at home with the likes of LeBron James Jr., and LeBron's second child, Bryce Maximus James. You can't make this stuff up.
The NBA, where Maximus happens.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
To the Maximus
Not that anyone really cares aside from me, Shams, Sam Kidder, Sherman Alexie, and most likely Jayda Evans, but the Supes found an even more ridiculous, and frustrating was to lose on Friday night. After playing surprisingly well against a far superior Phoenix Suns team, and down only 1 point in the final minute of the game, Worthless Wally pulled a Chris Webber, and called a time out when there were none left to be called. Both Earl Watson and P.J. Carlesimo claim that the fact that the Sonics had zero time outs was made very clear in the time out leading up to Wally's big whoops. And even if it wasn't, Wally is a 10 year veteran who should know how many time outs his team has.
Like I already said, no one really cares about this. It's likely that even if they had gotten the ball in bounds, the Suns still would have found a way to win. But I really hate Wally Szczerbiak, and I have been looking for a reason to break out a blog about what a historical failure he has been here in Seattle. I find his latest brainless, boneheaded, moronic, idiotic mistake to be the perfect inspiration my latest onslaught of Wally hate.
*******Stop the Presses*********
In the midst of my research, I stumbled upon a gem that changed my entire way of thinking. A nugget of knowledge so hilarious, that I experienced a paradigm shift in hate. During my research I unveiled a number of interesting numbers to back up my distaste for the previously titled "Worthless Wally". I found that he does indeed have a "worth", a value, in his salary...which is 12 million dollars a year. I found that this is the 36th highest salary in the NBA this season. I found that Wally is in the top 36 in only one other statistical category. Not scoring, not rebounding, not steals, or assists. He is 18th in free throw percentage. But, since he gets to the free throw line 68th most in the NBA, this stat isn't exactly flattering. I found that he makes more money than Steve Nash, Gilbert Arenas and Carlos Boozer. I found that he is the third highest paid Seattle Supersonic of all time, behind only Gary Payton and Ray Allen.
But none of this matters anymore. And here is why.
During my research, which mostly entailed googling "Wally Szczerbiak" and reading a few anger evoking Jayda Evans articles, I came across the news that Wally and his wife are pregnant. "Good for Wally," I thought. "Maybe he isn't scoring much for the Sonics, but at least he is scoring at home." But that isn't what caused the sea change. Like Chris Rock once said, "even cockroaches can have kids." What caused the sudden change in my feelings towards Wally, is what he will be naming his baby cockroach. In less than a month, the world will be graced by the presence of Maximus Szczerbiak. (Which reminds me, we need to finish the name contest.) Sometimes things can be so funny, so down right ridiculous that they can change even the most concrete of things. I would have told you that there is no way that I could ever not hate Wally, but I would have been wrong. He hit me where I am at my weakest. I live for names like this.
So, from now on, Wally is fine by me. His 4 inch verticle, his shoot first, second, and third style of offense and his ever growing lack of physical conditioning will no longer bother me. Naming your kid something as ridiculous as this clenses him of his sins.
And oh yeah, I call Maximus Szczerbiak for next years "Funniest Names in Sports" contest.
Like I already said, no one really cares about this. It's likely that even if they had gotten the ball in bounds, the Suns still would have found a way to win. But I really hate Wally Szczerbiak, and I have been looking for a reason to break out a blog about what a historical failure he has been here in Seattle. I find his latest brainless, boneheaded, moronic, idiotic mistake to be the perfect inspiration my latest onslaught of Wally hate.
*******Stop the Presses*********
In the midst of my research, I stumbled upon a gem that changed my entire way of thinking. A nugget of knowledge so hilarious, that I experienced a paradigm shift in hate. During my research I unveiled a number of interesting numbers to back up my distaste for the previously titled "Worthless Wally". I found that he does indeed have a "worth", a value, in his salary...which is 12 million dollars a year. I found that this is the 36th highest salary in the NBA this season. I found that Wally is in the top 36 in only one other statistical category. Not scoring, not rebounding, not steals, or assists. He is 18th in free throw percentage. But, since he gets to the free throw line 68th most in the NBA, this stat isn't exactly flattering. I found that he makes more money than Steve Nash, Gilbert Arenas and Carlos Boozer. I found that he is the third highest paid Seattle Supersonic of all time, behind only Gary Payton and Ray Allen.
But none of this matters anymore. And here is why.
During my research, which mostly entailed googling "Wally Szczerbiak" and reading a few anger evoking Jayda Evans articles, I came across the news that Wally and his wife are pregnant. "Good for Wally," I thought. "Maybe he isn't scoring much for the Sonics, but at least he is scoring at home." But that isn't what caused the sea change. Like Chris Rock once said, "even cockroaches can have kids." What caused the sudden change in my feelings towards Wally, is what he will be naming his baby cockroach. In less than a month, the world will be graced by the presence of Maximus Szczerbiak. (Which reminds me, we need to finish the name contest.) Sometimes things can be so funny, so down right ridiculous that they can change even the most concrete of things. I would have told you that there is no way that I could ever not hate Wally, but I would have been wrong. He hit me where I am at my weakest. I live for names like this.
So, from now on, Wally is fine by me. His 4 inch verticle, his shoot first, second, and third style of offense and his ever growing lack of physical conditioning will no longer bother me. Naming your kid something as ridiculous as this clenses him of his sins.
And oh yeah, I call Maximus Szczerbiak for next years "Funniest Names in Sports" contest.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
The Wax Man Cometh
This is Henry Waxman. Chair of the House Oversight Committee, and leader of the House's investigation into the use of steroids in baseball.
Also, he is the ugliest man alive. He looks like a monster. All baseball has to do to stop steroid use from here on out, is to tell every kid on earth that if they use steroids The Wax Man is gonna eat them in their sleep.
In fact, I bet if Waxman would just eat one of Clemens' kids in front of the House tomorrow, Clemens would break down and tell the truth. Giving all of your kids names that start with K...he should get one of his kids eaten. What an asshole Clemens is.
Anyway, don't use steroids, or the Wax Man will eat your kids.
Thursday, February 7, 2008
"Fave Five" Players to Hate
I was happy to give you all a look into my favorite five guys to watch this season in college basketball. But we all know that I would much rather talk about things that bother me than things that I like. That is why this blog will be dedicated to the five guys in college basketball that I love to hate. The mere sight of these guys sends me into a profanity laden rage. I can't stand their style of play, the way they look, or the things they say. But, the older that I get, the more I realize that these are the guys that fuel my fire for sports. I find myself far more into a game if I am actively rooting against a player or a team, than if I am rooting for a player or a team. If that makes me a hater, then so be it. But I know one thing, making fun of guys is a lot funnier than praising them.
When reading about who I hate most in college basketball, you'll notice that these guys have quite a bit in common. I won't tell you what these similarities are, but let me know if you notice. Also, please accept my apology now if you are white, ugly, or a Duke Blue Devil. God save you if you're all three.
Without any further ado, here are my "Fave Five" players to hate in 2007-2008's college basketball season.
Greg Paulus, Duke-
"What? How can you hate Greg Paulus? He is great. He was an All-American in both football and basketball in high school. He had to make the choice between Duke to play basketball, and Notre Dame to play football. He has gotten better every year of college. And he is one of the hardest working guys in the country."
Here is my retort.
The fact that he considered either Duke or Notre Dame as acceptable options for his collegiate career is about as much as I need to hate a guy. In fact, anyone who would even think about going to Notre Dame is an idiot. And I'm not just mad about the ethnic insensitivity of the mascot either. There are more douche bags between Notre Dame football and Duke B-ball alumni than a Dave Mathews concert at the Gorge.
"What? I love DMB."
In conclusion. If you like Greg Paulus, Duke, Notre Dame, or DMB at the Gorge...you are a douche bag. Also, I have no real reason to hate Greg Paulus, I just do. Duke Point Guard + hard nosed honky = Hate Hate Hate Hate.
Luke Harangody, Notre Dame-
The mere thought of attending Notre Dame was enough for me to hate Greg Paulus, so you can imagine what a guy who actually goes there does to me.
Luke Harangody is basically Notre Dame's version of Jon Brockman. A 20 and 10 guy who has no chance of being any good in the NBA, who all the home fans love, but everybody else absolutely despises. A hard working Catholic boy, who has probably broken his nose more times than he's had sex. Who's only move can aptly be described as "lower your shoulder and plow."
Also, Harangody looks exactly like every meat head frat guy from every college movie that was released in the late 70's and early 80's. Tell me that this isn't an exact mix between Jon Brockman and the bully from "Revenge of the Nerds 2", http://vmedia.rivals.com/IMAGES/PROSPECT/PHOTO/LUKEHARANGODY6_7A150.JPG.
Aaron Baynes, Washington State-
Basically take everything that I said about Harangody, then add the fact that Baynes is a left handed Coug from Australia, and we have a quite a recipe for hate. He reminds me of the white guy from "Blood Sport". You know, the guy that wore he Harley Davidson bandana, and got his spine broken by Chong Li. If only Chong Li would make a trip to Pullman.
Brooke Lopez/Robin Lopez, Stanford-
As if one giant, ugly, shot blocking Stanford Cardinal wasn't enough. I hate these guys so much that I'm mad at their mom for allowing her egg to split...I think that's how twins happen isn't it. Who knows? Anyway, these two look like trolls. The only way you can tell them apart is that Brook has short hair, ad Robin has long hair. And that Brook is twice as good as Robin. It's gonna suck when Brook is in the NBA and Robin has to go back home and be the assistant coach on his high school JV team.
Lorenzo Mata-Real, UCLA-
I retract the statement that I made two days ago about Henry Waxman. He is not the ugliest man alive. That honor is undeniably held by Lorenzo Mata-Real. Although, after a comment made by an astute reader named Gabe Showalter, I am pretty sure that Henry Waxman is the father of Lorenzo Mata-Real...Which makes them the ugliest family in the world. The Lopez family is relieved.
Sixth Man:
David Pendergraft, Gonzaga-
Uh...redheaded.
When reading about who I hate most in college basketball, you'll notice that these guys have quite a bit in common. I won't tell you what these similarities are, but let me know if you notice. Also, please accept my apology now if you are white, ugly, or a Duke Blue Devil. God save you if you're all three.
Without any further ado, here are my "Fave Five" players to hate in 2007-2008's college basketball season.
Greg Paulus, Duke-
"What? How can you hate Greg Paulus? He is great. He was an All-American in both football and basketball in high school. He had to make the choice between Duke to play basketball, and Notre Dame to play football. He has gotten better every year of college. And he is one of the hardest working guys in the country."
Here is my retort.
The fact that he considered either Duke or Notre Dame as acceptable options for his collegiate career is about as much as I need to hate a guy. In fact, anyone who would even think about going to Notre Dame is an idiot. And I'm not just mad about the ethnic insensitivity of the mascot either. There are more douche bags between Notre Dame football and Duke B-ball alumni than a Dave Mathews concert at the Gorge.
"What? I love DMB."
In conclusion. If you like Greg Paulus, Duke, Notre Dame, or DMB at the Gorge...you are a douche bag. Also, I have no real reason to hate Greg Paulus, I just do. Duke Point Guard + hard nosed honky = Hate Hate Hate Hate.
Luke Harangody, Notre Dame-
The mere thought of attending Notre Dame was enough for me to hate Greg Paulus, so you can imagine what a guy who actually goes there does to me.
Luke Harangody is basically Notre Dame's version of Jon Brockman. A 20 and 10 guy who has no chance of being any good in the NBA, who all the home fans love, but everybody else absolutely despises. A hard working Catholic boy, who has probably broken his nose more times than he's had sex. Who's only move can aptly be described as "lower your shoulder and plow."
Also, Harangody looks exactly like every meat head frat guy from every college movie that was released in the late 70's and early 80's. Tell me that this isn't an exact mix between Jon Brockman and the bully from "Revenge of the Nerds 2", http://vmedia.rivals.com/IMAGES/PROSPECT/PHOTO/LUKEHARANGODY6_7A150.JPG.
Aaron Baynes, Washington State-
Basically take everything that I said about Harangody, then add the fact that Baynes is a left handed Coug from Australia, and we have a quite a recipe for hate. He reminds me of the white guy from "Blood Sport". You know, the guy that wore he Harley Davidson bandana, and got his spine broken by Chong Li. If only Chong Li would make a trip to Pullman.
Brooke Lopez/Robin Lopez, Stanford-
As if one giant, ugly, shot blocking Stanford Cardinal wasn't enough. I hate these guys so much that I'm mad at their mom for allowing her egg to split...I think that's how twins happen isn't it. Who knows? Anyway, these two look like trolls. The only way you can tell them apart is that Brook has short hair, ad Robin has long hair. And that Brook is twice as good as Robin. It's gonna suck when Brook is in the NBA and Robin has to go back home and be the assistant coach on his high school JV team.
Lorenzo Mata-Real, UCLA-
I retract the statement that I made two days ago about Henry Waxman. He is not the ugliest man alive. That honor is undeniably held by Lorenzo Mata-Real. Although, after a comment made by an astute reader named Gabe Showalter, I am pretty sure that Henry Waxman is the father of Lorenzo Mata-Real...Which makes them the ugliest family in the world. The Lopez family is relieved.
Sixth Man:
David Pendergraft, Gonzaga-
Uh...redheaded.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
My Fave Five in College Hoops
In homage to my favorite commercial of Super Bowl Sunday, I am going to run down my own personal "Fave Five". This has been a great year in college basketball, outside of Montlake, and I think it is high time that I let everyone know who I like, and more importantly who I can't stand.
Before I do, let's talk a little about the "Fave Five" commercial. In an otherwise mediocre year for Super Bowl commercials, the Dwayne Wade and Charles Barkley spot stole the show. While I did enjoy the creepy investing baby, and the awkwardly racist JobGenie.com commercials, the T-Mobile "Fave Five" commercial was by far my fave. Barkley finally let D Wade into his five, and then proceeded to pester him at all hours of the day with phone calls. I have long known that Charles Barkley is hilarious, but I didn't know that he had this sort of scripted humor in him. He has always excelled at of the cuff, over the top, improvised jokes. His role on the NBA on TNT has been the best part of regular season basketball for the past five years. And the "Fave Five" commercials leading up to this one were good too. But this one was great. Here are a few of my fave quotes. And oh yeah, here's the link, http://youtube.com/watch?v=4Phg5SZGl8U.
"Either Play better, or call in sick."
"Do you like popsicles?"
and...
"...and that's why I don't eat shrimp."
Watch it. Laugh. And pray that Charles Barkley lives a long and healthy life, and is able to entertain us all for years to come.
Anyway, here is my College Hoops "Fave Five", and the reasons why. Keep in mind, I'm not saying these guys are the best players in college this year, they are just the guys I like watching the most.
Fave Five:
D.J. Augustine, Texas-
I knew I liked DJ when he predicted that Texas would be better this year now that Kevin Durant is gone to the NBA because quote, "Now that he's gone, I can take more shots." Predicting that your team will improve after losing the Naismith Award winner is bold, but when it actually comes true you are the man. If you need any help coming around on Augustine rewatch the Longhorn's win over UCLA in Los Angeles. He made more big shots in that game than Kevin Durant did all last year. Plus he has a clean haircut every single game. And there is a lot to be said for a clean haircut.
Derick Rose, Memphis-
I realize that this is sort of a lame pick since pretty much everybody loves this guy. He is certainly among the most over hyped freshmen in the country, along with Eric Gordan and Kevin Love, but in my opinion his hype is all the way deserved. Plus, I'm trying to sway as much good Derick Rose Karma in Seattle's direction as I can, so next Summer when we have the #2 pick again, we end up with the youngest, coolest, and most athletic 1,2,3 combo in the NBA. Imagine, if you will...Kevin Durant, Jeff Green, and Derick Rose. Sounds pretty good, huh?
Deron Washington, Virginia Tech-
This makes up for my Derick Rose pick, because I am pretty sure that if you asked anybody who there favorite 5 players in college are this year, no one outside of Blacksburg would name this guy. Here is a brief breakdown of Mr. Washington. He has dreadlocks. He has the tendency to shake them...often. And I'm pretty sure he has left a smell on Greg Paulus' face that can never be washed off. Watch, http://youtube.com/watch?v=HXNJQFi_R50. Also this dunk on the Zags, http://youtube.com/watch?v=Mq0xLwWjy5M&feature=related. Any one who dunks on Paulus and Gonzaga, I'm gonna like. Also, I am pretty sure he is a member of the J-Sky "All Djumpin Djemba" team.
Michael Beasley, Kansas State-
Another obvious pick, but with his resume of dunks, big shots, and quotes, I had no choice but to pick him. We've all seen the relentless rebounding, the amazing dunks, and the surprising left handed stroke. But that isn't enough for me to put him in my top five. What earned him his spot was the quote that he had before K-State's huge win over Kansas. He said, "I don't care where we play them. We'll beat them here, we'll beat them at their place, we'll beat them in Africa." That is an award winning quote. But the fact that they actually did beat Kansas makes the prediction even better. Especially since they hadn't beaten Kansas at home since 1983. Michael Beasley wasn't even alive in 1983.
DeAndre Thomas, Indiana-
This is another pick that excuses my Derrick Rose and Michael Beasley picks. You could ask DeAndre Thomas' parents who their top 5 are, and I bet he wouldn't be in them. This guy is the second guy off the bench for the Hoosiers, basically DJ White's backup. Their 7th man. But I love him. When he arrived at Indiana three years ago, he weighed 355 pounds. He has lost 60 pounds since then, but he still looks like he could ruin an entire Thanksgiving dinner. His only move is to catch the ball on the block, and back into the defender with his huge derier, and then quickly turn and lay it up. I saw him do this four times in a row against Kentucky. He is fat, slow, and nearly useless on the court. But in a post game interview after that same Kentucky game he was asked about his playing style. "I got a huge back side. I gotta use it. I got it from my momma." Meet DeAndre Thomas, your new favorite player.
Sixth Man:
Gerald Henderson, Duke-
I would usually never put any Duke player anywhere near my top 5, but Gerald isn't like most Duke guys. He seems like a funny guy. He dunks on lots of people. And most importantly, he broke Tyler Hansbrough's nose on purpose. Thus, he's my sixth man.
Tomorrow I'll unveil my "Fave Five" players to hate. A list of the five players that I dislike the most in college basketball this year. There will be Duke and Gonzaga representation, please believe that.
Before I do, let's talk a little about the "Fave Five" commercial. In an otherwise mediocre year for Super Bowl commercials, the Dwayne Wade and Charles Barkley spot stole the show. While I did enjoy the creepy investing baby, and the awkwardly racist JobGenie.com commercials, the T-Mobile "Fave Five" commercial was by far my fave. Barkley finally let D Wade into his five, and then proceeded to pester him at all hours of the day with phone calls. I have long known that Charles Barkley is hilarious, but I didn't know that he had this sort of scripted humor in him. He has always excelled at of the cuff, over the top, improvised jokes. His role on the NBA on TNT has been the best part of regular season basketball for the past five years. And the "Fave Five" commercials leading up to this one were good too. But this one was great. Here are a few of my fave quotes. And oh yeah, here's the link, http://youtube.com/watch?v=4Phg5SZGl8U.
"Either Play better, or call in sick."
"Do you like popsicles?"
and...
"...and that's why I don't eat shrimp."
Watch it. Laugh. And pray that Charles Barkley lives a long and healthy life, and is able to entertain us all for years to come.
Anyway, here is my College Hoops "Fave Five", and the reasons why. Keep in mind, I'm not saying these guys are the best players in college this year, they are just the guys I like watching the most.
Fave Five:
D.J. Augustine, Texas-
I knew I liked DJ when he predicted that Texas would be better this year now that Kevin Durant is gone to the NBA because quote, "Now that he's gone, I can take more shots." Predicting that your team will improve after losing the Naismith Award winner is bold, but when it actually comes true you are the man. If you need any help coming around on Augustine rewatch the Longhorn's win over UCLA in Los Angeles. He made more big shots in that game than Kevin Durant did all last year. Plus he has a clean haircut every single game. And there is a lot to be said for a clean haircut.
Derick Rose, Memphis-
I realize that this is sort of a lame pick since pretty much everybody loves this guy. He is certainly among the most over hyped freshmen in the country, along with Eric Gordan and Kevin Love, but in my opinion his hype is all the way deserved. Plus, I'm trying to sway as much good Derick Rose Karma in Seattle's direction as I can, so next Summer when we have the #2 pick again, we end up with the youngest, coolest, and most athletic 1,2,3 combo in the NBA. Imagine, if you will...Kevin Durant, Jeff Green, and Derick Rose. Sounds pretty good, huh?
Deron Washington, Virginia Tech-
This makes up for my Derick Rose pick, because I am pretty sure that if you asked anybody who there favorite 5 players in college are this year, no one outside of Blacksburg would name this guy. Here is a brief breakdown of Mr. Washington. He has dreadlocks. He has the tendency to shake them...often. And I'm pretty sure he has left a smell on Greg Paulus' face that can never be washed off. Watch, http://youtube.com/watch?v=HXNJQFi_R50. Also this dunk on the Zags, http://youtube.com/watch?v=Mq0xLwWjy5M&feature=related. Any one who dunks on Paulus and Gonzaga, I'm gonna like. Also, I am pretty sure he is a member of the J-Sky "All Djumpin Djemba" team.
Michael Beasley, Kansas State-
Another obvious pick, but with his resume of dunks, big shots, and quotes, I had no choice but to pick him. We've all seen the relentless rebounding, the amazing dunks, and the surprising left handed stroke. But that isn't enough for me to put him in my top five. What earned him his spot was the quote that he had before K-State's huge win over Kansas. He said, "I don't care where we play them. We'll beat them here, we'll beat them at their place, we'll beat them in Africa." That is an award winning quote. But the fact that they actually did beat Kansas makes the prediction even better. Especially since they hadn't beaten Kansas at home since 1983. Michael Beasley wasn't even alive in 1983.
DeAndre Thomas, Indiana-
This is another pick that excuses my Derrick Rose and Michael Beasley picks. You could ask DeAndre Thomas' parents who their top 5 are, and I bet he wouldn't be in them. This guy is the second guy off the bench for the Hoosiers, basically DJ White's backup. Their 7th man. But I love him. When he arrived at Indiana three years ago, he weighed 355 pounds. He has lost 60 pounds since then, but he still looks like he could ruin an entire Thanksgiving dinner. His only move is to catch the ball on the block, and back into the defender with his huge derier, and then quickly turn and lay it up. I saw him do this four times in a row against Kentucky. He is fat, slow, and nearly useless on the court. But in a post game interview after that same Kentucky game he was asked about his playing style. "I got a huge back side. I gotta use it. I got it from my momma." Meet DeAndre Thomas, your new favorite player.
Sixth Man:
Gerald Henderson, Duke-
I would usually never put any Duke player anywhere near my top 5, but Gerald isn't like most Duke guys. He seems like a funny guy. He dunks on lots of people. And most importantly, he broke Tyler Hansbrough's nose on purpose. Thus, he's my sixth man.
Tomorrow I'll unveil my "Fave Five" players to hate. A list of the five players that I dislike the most in college basketball this year. There will be Duke and Gonzaga representation, please believe that.
What the Hell Bunktown?
Well, with my New Year resolution in serious jeopardy after only one month, I have used 2008 to drive home one obvious point...I am extremely lazy. Well, sort of. In my own defense, I have been really busy, and really tired. Getting up at 4:45 every morning, only to go into KJR and get yelled at by Mitch for four hours is not exactly the recipe for blogging success. While I do come home with some pretty hilarious stories every day, I am usually so exhausted physically and mentally that I just watch ESPN Classic and take a nap. When I wake up from my nap at about 6:30 pm, I only have about four hours to eat, hang out, do something semi-active and then eat again, before I have to go to bed so I can be up at 4:45 again. I have essentially been in a sports induced coma for the past month and a half. A veritable "Daily Schnoz" zombie wandering the earth in search of the latest and greatest story lines in sports. And due to the fact that I've only had 3 days off in the past six weeks, my blog has been severely bogged down.
Well I have some good news. Friday is my last day as the "Assistant Producer" of the Mitch in the Morning Show. I put "Assistant Producer" in quotes because that is what they call it. It would more aptly be described as bitch, or to be more sports appropriate, towel or water boy. In fact, I run to the lunch room to get Mitch, Steve the co-host, or Matt the Producer, water at least three times a week. But if they called me the water boy, I wouldn't have nearly as much of a problem with the destitution of my restitution. In other words, they pay me less than that guy who asked you if you would like a lemon in your water last time you went out to Mexican food. At least he gets tips. I am joking of course...except about the money, they do pay me like a janitor. I truly have had a great time working in the morning though. There is a myth that is often perpetuated by the sports fans in Seattle that Mitch is a jerk. He isn't. Honestly. In fact, he is pretty hilarious. He makes fun of every body, he doesn't take crap from anybody, and he hates Phil Mickelson. And aside from the pay, the hours, the stress, the under appreciation, and the exhaustion, I am going to miss the morning show.
But what does this mean?
Honestly, I have no idea.
But worry not my faithful readers and friends, I am still on the march towards sports media superiority, still on the Road to the BigTime. The next step will most likely be the best step, I am just not really sure what it'll be. But, on the plus side, in the mean time we will have lots more blogs. So, let's not waist any more time talking about blogging, let's put the rubber to the road...to the BigTime.
Well I have some good news. Friday is my last day as the "Assistant Producer" of the Mitch in the Morning Show. I put "Assistant Producer" in quotes because that is what they call it. It would more aptly be described as bitch, or to be more sports appropriate, towel or water boy. In fact, I run to the lunch room to get Mitch, Steve the co-host, or Matt the Producer, water at least three times a week. But if they called me the water boy, I wouldn't have nearly as much of a problem with the destitution of my restitution. In other words, they pay me less than that guy who asked you if you would like a lemon in your water last time you went out to Mexican food. At least he gets tips. I am joking of course...except about the money, they do pay me like a janitor. I truly have had a great time working in the morning though. There is a myth that is often perpetuated by the sports fans in Seattle that Mitch is a jerk. He isn't. Honestly. In fact, he is pretty hilarious. He makes fun of every body, he doesn't take crap from anybody, and he hates Phil Mickelson. And aside from the pay, the hours, the stress, the under appreciation, and the exhaustion, I am going to miss the morning show.
But what does this mean?
Honestly, I have no idea.
But worry not my faithful readers and friends, I am still on the march towards sports media superiority, still on the Road to the BigTime. The next step will most likely be the best step, I am just not really sure what it'll be. But, on the plus side, in the mean time we will have lots more blogs. So, let's not waist any more time talking about blogging, let's put the rubber to the road...to the BigTime.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Last Fan Standing
I'm not sure if any of you were unlucky enough to poison your intellect and fanhood by reading Jayda Evans' article in the Seattle Times today. If not, here is a brief recap, before I retell it in a much more positive, much more accurate light.
Basically, through "email document confirmation," Jayda was informed that a fan was ejected from the Sonics v. Kings game Sunday night. After reading these email documents, Jayda decided to write an article outlining the event. Let me take a quick step back before I dissect her story. I need to first say that I dislike Jayda Evans as a reporter very much. I've heard she is great lady, I've never met her, but that has nothing to do with this. Her writing style is lifeless, and choppy. She routinely uses nonsensical metaphors, and lame action words. She can't punctuate, or end sentences, and I bet if she didn't have spell check she couldn't spell either. I've disliked her writing for a long, long time, so the fact that she wrote this mediocre article about something that could have been such a rallying cry is simply the straw that broke the camels back (that's a figure of speech Jayda).
Alright, now that that's out in the open, let's talk about the story, the ejection, and why she did everyone, including herself a huge disservice.
A fan named Sam Kidder, who happens to be a friend of mine, was ejected from the Sonics v. Kings game on Sunday night. Sam was heckling Clay Bennett, loudly, right underneath Bennett's suite, and was so brilliant in his badgering of Bennett (Jayda that's alliteration) that he was ejected from the arena. Okay, maybe he was peppering Bennett with cries of "you suck" and "thief", but the fact that he knew Bennett was in the arena was a testament to his fanhood. He read about Bennett's plans to attend this particular home game, only his seventh of the season, when reading up on the team on a website, or as Jayda would call it, an online documentation center. When Clay "Ass Pickles" Bennett could no longer the heat, he had Sam removed. Sam left calmly, and promptly went home and posted on SonicsCentral.com that he was "In Clay's Head."
This is a great story. An inspiring story. A potential rallying point. A fan, the little guy, standing up to the big bad rich owner who wants to move the team. In a city where passion for anything sports related is usually reserved for Super Bowls or 116 win seasons, Sam gave the Sonics all he had in the midst of the teams longest ever losing streak. (Facts Jayda, facts) But instead of focusing on this fantastic display of fanhood, Jayda glossed over Sam's upsides, choosing instead to focus on the fact that he'd had a few beers. Why ignore the parts of the story that make Sam's actions so inspiring? Like the fact that he isn't just some drunk college kid, he is a successful young investment banker with a lot to lose by acting out at sporting events. Or the fact that he has only missed 3 games this season. Or that he is a life long fan, and when he was a kid he'd hold his arms out in front of him like a training boxer while he watched the games, so he could focus harder on what he was watching. But when Jayda interviewed Sam about the incident, she didn't ask him about any of this stuff. She missed the opportunity to use Sam's passion as the spark that it could have been towards a fire of Sonics support.
Even more insane and puzzling to me, is the fact that a beat writer for a team that maybe leaving town wouldn't take every chance to rally fan support for the team he/she covers. You cover the team. If they leave, you don't have a team to cover. If they leave you don't have a job. (Logic Jayda) If you were camping in the woods, and your campfire was on the verge of dying out, would you put more logs on the fire, or just sit there and watch it die? Don't go camping with Jayda, you'll freeze.
If all it takes is reading an article, a couple of beers, and a few well timed verbal punches to get inside the head of the guy that holds the fate of our basketball team in his hands, imagine how easy it would be to create 100 Sam Kidders. And how effective they could be. But in order for the beers and the verbal jabs to be effective, they have to armed with information. And if our most direct source for Sonics information seems to care less than any of the fans, we're just as screwed as Jayda Evans' camp fire. So, like I have so many time before, I implore you...GO TO SONICS GAMES. Get online and read about your team, read about your owner, read about your fans. There is still a fire burning, but it is quickly going out. Fan the flames. (That's a double entendre Jayda)
Basically, through "email document confirmation," Jayda was informed that a fan was ejected from the Sonics v. Kings game Sunday night. After reading these email documents, Jayda decided to write an article outlining the event. Let me take a quick step back before I dissect her story. I need to first say that I dislike Jayda Evans as a reporter very much. I've heard she is great lady, I've never met her, but that has nothing to do with this. Her writing style is lifeless, and choppy. She routinely uses nonsensical metaphors, and lame action words. She can't punctuate, or end sentences, and I bet if she didn't have spell check she couldn't spell either. I've disliked her writing for a long, long time, so the fact that she wrote this mediocre article about something that could have been such a rallying cry is simply the straw that broke the camels back (that's a figure of speech Jayda).
Alright, now that that's out in the open, let's talk about the story, the ejection, and why she did everyone, including herself a huge disservice.
A fan named Sam Kidder, who happens to be a friend of mine, was ejected from the Sonics v. Kings game on Sunday night. Sam was heckling Clay Bennett, loudly, right underneath Bennett's suite, and was so brilliant in his badgering of Bennett (Jayda that's alliteration) that he was ejected from the arena. Okay, maybe he was peppering Bennett with cries of "you suck" and "thief", but the fact that he knew Bennett was in the arena was a testament to his fanhood. He read about Bennett's plans to attend this particular home game, only his seventh of the season, when reading up on the team on a website, or as Jayda would call it, an online documentation center. When Clay "Ass Pickles" Bennett could no longer the heat, he had Sam removed. Sam left calmly, and promptly went home and posted on SonicsCentral.com that he was "In Clay's Head."
This is a great story. An inspiring story. A potential rallying point. A fan, the little guy, standing up to the big bad rich owner who wants to move the team. In a city where passion for anything sports related is usually reserved for Super Bowls or 116 win seasons, Sam gave the Sonics all he had in the midst of the teams longest ever losing streak. (Facts Jayda, facts) But instead of focusing on this fantastic display of fanhood, Jayda glossed over Sam's upsides, choosing instead to focus on the fact that he'd had a few beers. Why ignore the parts of the story that make Sam's actions so inspiring? Like the fact that he isn't just some drunk college kid, he is a successful young investment banker with a lot to lose by acting out at sporting events. Or the fact that he has only missed 3 games this season. Or that he is a life long fan, and when he was a kid he'd hold his arms out in front of him like a training boxer while he watched the games, so he could focus harder on what he was watching. But when Jayda interviewed Sam about the incident, she didn't ask him about any of this stuff. She missed the opportunity to use Sam's passion as the spark that it could have been towards a fire of Sonics support.
Even more insane and puzzling to me, is the fact that a beat writer for a team that maybe leaving town wouldn't take every chance to rally fan support for the team he/she covers. You cover the team. If they leave, you don't have a team to cover. If they leave you don't have a job. (Logic Jayda) If you were camping in the woods, and your campfire was on the verge of dying out, would you put more logs on the fire, or just sit there and watch it die? Don't go camping with Jayda, you'll freeze.
If all it takes is reading an article, a couple of beers, and a few well timed verbal punches to get inside the head of the guy that holds the fate of our basketball team in his hands, imagine how easy it would be to create 100 Sam Kidders. And how effective they could be. But in order for the beers and the verbal jabs to be effective, they have to armed with information. And if our most direct source for Sonics information seems to care less than any of the fans, we're just as screwed as Jayda Evans' camp fire. So, like I have so many time before, I implore you...GO TO SONICS GAMES. Get online and read about your team, read about your owner, read about your fans. There is still a fire burning, but it is quickly going out. Fan the flames. (That's a double entendre Jayda)
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Spizzy
It's a new year, and along with a clean slate and renewed sense of being, I have a new home. I decided that blogging from my mom's basement was no longer acceptable, I'm going to be 24 this year for god's sake. The number 24 has always been an important number to me, and that age has always made me think of Griffey; his original number and the age at which he became a superstar. Coping with the sad realization that I will not be a superstar at 24 was hard, but getting out of my mom's basement was a big step in the right direction. A step which landed me in a three bedroom apartment on First Hill with my two pals Barry and Tam Johnson. The three of us managed to survive an entire year living together in college, so we decided that now that we are all attempting to tame the "real" world, we should brave the road together again...either that or they got tired of living with their parents too. Although the development of our appartment is still in the embryonic stage, there is a lot of potential. It's like the opening piano riff in "Don't Stop Believing," by Journey, it sounds like it could be good, subtly intruiging, but you're not quite sure yet. Well let me be the first to assure you, just like high pitched croonings of Steve Perry, it's going to be so great it'll annoy you.
The three of us have drawn many comparisons, all of which we agree with fully, and greatly appreciate. The Three Muskateers; flattering, accurate in terms of our bravery and swardsmanship, but we refuse to wear poofy shirts, so it is it tough fit. The Three Amigos; also pretty close. We are all three hilarious, we love sombreros, and we all thrive on horseback, but there isn't a weak link in our chain like Martin Short is to the Three Amigos. Thus the camparison fails. The only one that works is the newest of the popular threesomes, Boston's Big Three of Ray Allen, Paul Pierce and Kevin Garnet. Just like them, we are all three in our prime, we're all unselfish and more interested in winning than personal statistics, and we all look great in green.
It's a perfect fit. The house goes by many names: The Spizzy, Bunkingham Palace, The Teej Mahal, The Bird Nest, the Seattle Three Party, and whatever else we can think of. It's gonna be great, which lands me one step closer to my dream of greatness at 24. Maybe I won't hit 45 home runs, maybe I won't be a millionaire, but I'll have a sweet apartment, with a bunch of funny nicknames. And of course, a poster of Mr. 24, Ken Griffey Jr., just to remind us of what we are shooting for.
The three of us have drawn many comparisons, all of which we agree with fully, and greatly appreciate. The Three Muskateers; flattering, accurate in terms of our bravery and swardsmanship, but we refuse to wear poofy shirts, so it is it tough fit. The Three Amigos; also pretty close. We are all three hilarious, we love sombreros, and we all thrive on horseback, but there isn't a weak link in our chain like Martin Short is to the Three Amigos. Thus the camparison fails. The only one that works is the newest of the popular threesomes, Boston's Big Three of Ray Allen, Paul Pierce and Kevin Garnet. Just like them, we are all three in our prime, we're all unselfish and more interested in winning than personal statistics, and we all look great in green.
It's a perfect fit. The house goes by many names: The Spizzy, Bunkingham Palace, The Teej Mahal, The Bird Nest, the Seattle Three Party, and whatever else we can think of. It's gonna be great, which lands me one step closer to my dream of greatness at 24. Maybe I won't hit 45 home runs, maybe I won't be a millionaire, but I'll have a sweet apartment, with a bunch of funny nicknames. And of course, a poster of Mr. 24, Ken Griffey Jr., just to remind us of what we are shooting for.
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