I Don't Wanna Hear It

I haven't had a rant in a while, and it is time. Oh boy, is it time!!

There is a lot of pretty annoying shit going on right now in the Seattle sports scene. Stuff that certainly warrants much of the complaining and belly aching that I've been hearing. Yes, we are tortured. Yes, we are pathetic. Yes, we are unlucky. But that doesn't mean that you have to give up so god damn easily. And it certainly doesn't give you the right to do any of the following: A, stop caring about your "favorite" team, B, whine like a little punk, C, root for another team.

Here is my response to many of the complaints and sentiments that I have been hearing over the past few weeks. Start acting like sports fans.

Here is one that I've been hearing a lot lately.

"Why should I root for the Sonics? They're just gonna move to Oklahoma City in year anyway."

First of all. Fuck you. Maybe they won't leave. And if they don't, all those self loathing, woe is me, sorry sap Sonics "fans" that jumped ship this year don't get to get back on the wagon when they stay in town and Kevin Durant is shaking his shit at the whole NBA for the next 15 years. Sorry ass hole. You have to root for the Blazers, because that's what you said you were gonna to do in 2007, and we don't want any fair weather, band wagon fans fucking up KD's flow.

Second of all. Fuck you again. What would Shawn Kemp and Gary Payton think if they knew that just 10 years after they were running this city, that some red neck cow boy from Oklahoma could ruin our entire fanhood just by buying the team? I'll tell you what they'd think. Gary would look at you with his head tilted, and then out of the side of his sneered mouth, he'd call you a "Punk Bitch." And then Shawn would ask you where your mom was, and if she was fertile. This team has history!!! It's the only team in our city with a championship. There is greatness in our rafters. Don't forget this.

Third of all. If they do leave, won't you feel like you let them down if you don't do everything in your power as a fan to keep them? Go to the games. Yeah, they suck. But they are fun to watch. They run. They shoot. They play zero defense, so at the very least you're gonna see the other team at it's best. There are good reasons to go and watch this team. KD is gonna be the Rookie of the Year. Delonte West is one of the biggest clowns in the league. And who knows, maybe somebody will choke PJ Carlisemo.

So, as a Sonics fan you have three choices. Go root for your team out of fanhood. Go root for your team out of debt. Or...shut the fuck up.


Another things I'm hearing a lot of is this.

"Let's keep Ty around, he brings in quality guys. Guys that do the right thing, and try, and go to class and act right."

So the fuck what? He could bring in Mother Theresa, and if we lose 8 games a year, he needs to get FIRED!! There is no question what college football, or any high level sport for that matter, is about. WINNING!

A couple of things to consider when analyzing Ty's methods.

Sure he brings in quality guys. His graduation rate is great. The players are approachable and down to earth. They are involved in the University, and they rarely get in trouble. So make him the AD. We all agree that Todd Turner is a douche anyway. If we feel like we need to keep Ty around so much, since he is so great for the program, then make him the Athletic Director.

But, who says you need "quality" guys. Some of my favorite all time Huskies would more than likely not be in this category of students. Look at what June Jones is doing in Hawaii. He is basically coaching that team by the Statue of Liberty motto. I don't mean the trick play the Boise State used to win the Aloha Bowl last January. I mean the motto "Give us your poor, your tired, your huddled masses..." June will take anybody...as long as you can play. He doesn't care if you spent 15 months in Juvie, Davone Bess. He doesn't care if you just wanna chill in the South End and smoke, Jordan Slye. He doesn't care if you get hammered and shake your dick at people, Colt Brennen. If you can play, you have a spot at Hawaii. And guess what? They are undefeated. And this Saturday - when these two schools, of students and of thought, collide - we'll see who wins.


And lastly. The Shaun Alexander debate.

"He's better than Mo Morris. If you take away the two or three big runs that Mo gets every week, he averages less than 3 yards per carry. Shaun can do that."

Wow. I know I said I was done talking about Shaun about four weeks ago, but people insist on bringing it back up. Listen when I tell you...Shaun Alexander is DONE!!! He got his money. He ran behind the best line in the past 20 years, and he GOT HIS MONEY. Now all he wants to do is pray, pretend to kiss his wife, and giggle. Nowhere in his life is there room for playing good football anymore.

Three reasons I don't wanna hear it.

1. Since Shaun went down, and we've gone with Mo and the pass first offense, we're 3-0. Undefeated with Mo. Undefeated without Shaun. Very simple.

2. "Without those two or three big runs..." Why would you discount those two or three big runs? They happen. They exist. Every week Mo busts a couple of huge plays. That's what he does. If you take away those two or three touchdowns Tom Brady throws every Sunday he probably won't break Peyton Mannings record either. But you don't, because they happen.

3. We are playing a pass first offense, and winning. Not only is Shaun Alexander one of the worst pass catching backs in the NFL, he has a broken hand. If he plays, the offense changes, and we slow down an offense that is playing better over the past three weeks than it has in over a year.


So, I hope we are clear. Stop the bitching. Or at least bitch about the right stuff. Go see Kevin Durant, if only out of respect for GP and the Reign Man. And when you do, boo Wally Szcerbiak. Not only do we still need to hate him for the 41 he put on the Dawgs in the tourney 8 years ago, but he's fat now. Boo him. Stop defending Ty, he is a loser. We don't want to be losers do we? Mora, Mora, Mora!! Start the chants, he's coming. And don't ask for Shaun. That's like crawling back to your gold digging ex-girlfriend. Mo Morris is your new girlfriend, treat him/her right.