I was unable to sit at my lap top in my mom's basement during game three due to my responsibilities at KJR, (I had to sit at the KJR computer and play commercials), so I was unable to keep my running thoughts. I will resume the series this evening in what maybe my last chance to write about baseball for the winter. I will be very indepth tonight to make up for my absence in game 3, but I will fill you in on some of my late game three thoughts.
I was wrong about Dice-K; I guess his breaking balls were breaking. To be fair I said he'd get rocked, and his curve ball was breaking like a Japanese B-Boy. He was very good, and I can admit when I was wrong. He still more than likely listens to bad pop music and wears "skinny" jeans.
I was wrong about the Sox dropping game 3: I thought the Rockies would rebound at home with the support of the Colorado crowd and the thin air, but I was wrong. The series could still go to six though, which is what I want, because while I can be wrong, I hate it, so let's go Rockies, make me a genius.
-Manny was safe. If he wouldn't have tripped on the helmet falling off of is head at third base, he'd have been safe by two feet. Nevertheless he pulled off a very athletic slide, and avoided the tag. I think if he wouldn't have gotten up and signaled that he was safe before the ump did, he wouldn't have been called out. Ump's are haters.
-Jacoby Ellsbury is good. I know I keep saying this, but I like him. He's gonna be good for a long time.
Well, that's all I remember. I'll get into game 4 all the way because like I said, it maybe the last of baseball for the season. But it won't be, I predicted 6 games, so there will be 6 games.
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Game 2 Running Thoughts
It seems to me that everybody liked reading my thoughts on game 1, so I'm gonna do it again for game 2. This blog trend proves two things; one, I always listen to, and try to please my readers, and two, I have nothing better to do than sit here and write about every inning of the world series. Either I'm a loser, or I love you guys, either way I'm home alone in my basement watching this game. Here we go.
1st Inning
TOP
Schilling and Joe Buck should go on vacations together and rub sun screen onto each others backs. I hate them both equally, and for the same reasons.
He hit Tavarez to start off the game. Interesting tactic, I like it. Hit the guy who led the league in bunt singles. Maybe Schilling isn't that bad.
Infield Ichiro by Holiday, Tavarez ends up on third due to a throwing error by Lowell.
Helton comes up, with that awful goatee. His mouth looks like a hippies vagina. Ground out to third, run scores. The Rockies are winning, the Rockies are winning. It's a Miracle.
Inning over. This maybe the last time the Rockies lead the game for a while. Here come the Sox
2nd Inning-
TOP
Quick single by Brad Hawpe. They are jumping on Schilling early. First or second pitch.
Nice pitch by Schilling. He is still pretty good, for a self satisfied, annoying, self promoting douche bag. I wonder if he starts pitching bad, if he'll rub some ketchup on his sock.
Torrealba grounds into an inning ending double play, he must have learned that when he played in Seattle.
BOTTOM
Manny Leads it off. I wonder if he knows that it's the World Series? Probably not. He grounds out to third, and never leaves the batters box. I love Manny.
Lowell has hella gray in his beard. They say he's Puerto Rican, but I don't believe it, I bet he likes Ricky Martin though. He grounds out to third too.
They are talking about how curve balls don't work in Denver. Good thing Boston is going with Dice-K in game three. He doesn't rely on breaking balls at all.
JD Drew gets hit with the pitch. Two hit batsmen in the first two innings, let's pray for a fight. I bet Papi could beat the shit out of any Rockies player. But I bet Clint Hurdle could kill anybody in the league. Hurdle looks like a cowboy, I like it.
Here's Varitek, I hope they hit him too. Apparently Varitek likes Dave Mathews Band and Bare Naked Ladies, I knew he sucked.
3rd Inning
TOP
Damn, Joe Buck just spent three minutes killing the mood of the game by telling a story about a Yankees intern who got killed in a car accident when his drunk cab driver wrecked the cab. Thanks a lot Joe, you really know how to capture the vibe of playoff baseball.
Two quick outs by the Rockies.
Kaz-Mat steps in. I bet he wears tight jeans. Quickly 0-2 on Matsui, Schilling strikes him out. He is looking sharp. I hate him.
BOTTOM
Jacoby Ellsbury leads it off. I like guys from Oregon State. Stephen Jackson, Gary Payton, Chad Johnson. That school turns out clowns. He grounds out.
The ump is going with a pretty big strike zone tonight, I like that. Lugo grounds out.
Jiminez's dad came to visit him during the Rockies 9 game layoff. It was his first time on a plane, and his first time seeing snow. Baseball is the catalyst for some great, funny stories. What do you think he said when he saw the snow? Probably something hard to understand.
Pedroia walks. He looks like he's 14.
Youk almost just got hit in the head. He looks like John Malkevic from Rounders. I wonder if he eats Oreo's before every home run he hits. Probably not. He walks, no Oreo's.
HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE's Papi. Back to back walks, make him pay David, make him pay. I wonder if these guys know each other, they're both Dominican.
They keep showing the Boston bullpen cheering every time the Sox have a rally going. Am I the only one who doesn't really think it's all that cool.
WAY BACK. WAY BACK. Foul. He just missed a homer by about a foot. The Pesky pole sounds like a nickname for a sneaky Polish guy. Strike out for Papi. Too bad.
4th Inning
TOP
I got a phone call, luckily nothing happened. Quick inning. Maybe Boston can get a hit this inning.
BOTTOM
Manny pops up to third. I want nothing more than to see him hit a big one, and mug it.
Lowell walks. Brings up JD Drew...who sucks. I predict a double play.
Line single, Lowell goes to third. Every time I predict failure for JD, he succeeds. I should hate on him more often.
Varitek hits a deep sacrafice to center. He seems to always come through when they need him. That's cool, the Mariners were better without him. Dan Wilson, Kenji, we're good.
The Red Sox relief pitchers call their bullpen the Black Pearl, they think they're pirates. Is that cool or dumb? Probably dumb, at least they win.
Ellsbury walks. Lugo has a chance to do something big for once. Ellsbury stole second, we all get free tacos. Go to Taco Bell and get your free taco on October 30th. Thanks Jacoby. Lugo fails.
FUCK. I just got called into KJR to work. No more thoughts. This fucking sucks, I was having a good time. FUCK FUCK FUCK. Go Manny.
******Three hours Later**********
Alright, I returned to my home, and I have some final and less thorough thoughts on game 2.
Mike Lowell is the perfect guy to follow Manny and Papi. I know I said he has the easiest job in baseball, but he is perfect for it. He is a line drive hitter with power. He hits doubles and comes up big, and I want him on our team.
Hideki Okajima is hella good. I am not really sure what he does. It's like Jamey Moyer meets Norm Charleton meets tricky fork ball. It's pretty crazy, but he maybe the best Japanese pitcher on the Sox, and they didn't have to pay $50 million just to talk to him.
What the hell was Matt Holiday thinking? How can you get picked off, with two outs, when you're the tying run, in the eighth inning of the World Series with one of your best hitters at the plate? Like I said yesterday, young teams make young mistakes. The Sox have been here, they are bleeding the count with every pitcher. (The Red Sox have thrown 126 and 119 pitches in the two games respectively. The Rockies have thrown 197 and 146, that's a hell of a stat Bunktown) And even more than that, you'd never see a Boston player get picked off by a RIGHT HANDED PITCHER, down by one run in the eighth inning. You just won't see that from them.
Jonathon Papelbon is hard as shit. Granted, the "stare" is dumb and overrated, but his fast ball is completely unfair. He throws 97 with movement. And I honestly think he wants to win more than any player I've seen in a long long time. He is intense. That's the type of stuff you wanna see from a player in the World Series. To be honest though, I think he just wants to dance in his underwear again. What a dichotomy, scary flame thrower turns ninny dancing in his scibbies. That said, he is good.
My predictions are still in tact. This is precisely what I thought would happen. Now the Rocks will win game 3 and 4, due to Dice-K's inability to move his pitches in the light air and the Rockies huge edge at Coors Field. Then Beckett will drop the hammer again in game 5, and secure the co-MVP award. Then back to Fenway where Schilling will pitch the lights out in his final game as a Red Sock and come home with another World Series co-MVP award. So be it.
1st Inning
TOP
Schilling and Joe Buck should go on vacations together and rub sun screen onto each others backs. I hate them both equally, and for the same reasons.
He hit Tavarez to start off the game. Interesting tactic, I like it. Hit the guy who led the league in bunt singles. Maybe Schilling isn't that bad.
Infield Ichiro by Holiday, Tavarez ends up on third due to a throwing error by Lowell.
Helton comes up, with that awful goatee. His mouth looks like a hippies vagina. Ground out to third, run scores. The Rockies are winning, the Rockies are winning. It's a Miracle.
Inning over. This maybe the last time the Rockies lead the game for a while. Here come the Sox
2nd Inning-
TOP
Quick single by Brad Hawpe. They are jumping on Schilling early. First or second pitch.
Nice pitch by Schilling. He is still pretty good, for a self satisfied, annoying, self promoting douche bag. I wonder if he starts pitching bad, if he'll rub some ketchup on his sock.
Torrealba grounds into an inning ending double play, he must have learned that when he played in Seattle.
BOTTOM
Manny Leads it off. I wonder if he knows that it's the World Series? Probably not. He grounds out to third, and never leaves the batters box. I love Manny.
Lowell has hella gray in his beard. They say he's Puerto Rican, but I don't believe it, I bet he likes Ricky Martin though. He grounds out to third too.
They are talking about how curve balls don't work in Denver. Good thing Boston is going with Dice-K in game three. He doesn't rely on breaking balls at all.
JD Drew gets hit with the pitch. Two hit batsmen in the first two innings, let's pray for a fight. I bet Papi could beat the shit out of any Rockies player. But I bet Clint Hurdle could kill anybody in the league. Hurdle looks like a cowboy, I like it.
Here's Varitek, I hope they hit him too. Apparently Varitek likes Dave Mathews Band and Bare Naked Ladies, I knew he sucked.
3rd Inning
TOP
Damn, Joe Buck just spent three minutes killing the mood of the game by telling a story about a Yankees intern who got killed in a car accident when his drunk cab driver wrecked the cab. Thanks a lot Joe, you really know how to capture the vibe of playoff baseball.
Two quick outs by the Rockies.
Kaz-Mat steps in. I bet he wears tight jeans. Quickly 0-2 on Matsui, Schilling strikes him out. He is looking sharp. I hate him.
BOTTOM
Jacoby Ellsbury leads it off. I like guys from Oregon State. Stephen Jackson, Gary Payton, Chad Johnson. That school turns out clowns. He grounds out.
The ump is going with a pretty big strike zone tonight, I like that. Lugo grounds out.
Jiminez's dad came to visit him during the Rockies 9 game layoff. It was his first time on a plane, and his first time seeing snow. Baseball is the catalyst for some great, funny stories. What do you think he said when he saw the snow? Probably something hard to understand.
Pedroia walks. He looks like he's 14.
Youk almost just got hit in the head. He looks like John Malkevic from Rounders. I wonder if he eats Oreo's before every home run he hits. Probably not. He walks, no Oreo's.
HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE's Papi. Back to back walks, make him pay David, make him pay. I wonder if these guys know each other, they're both Dominican.
They keep showing the Boston bullpen cheering every time the Sox have a rally going. Am I the only one who doesn't really think it's all that cool.
WAY BACK. WAY BACK. Foul. He just missed a homer by about a foot. The Pesky pole sounds like a nickname for a sneaky Polish guy. Strike out for Papi. Too bad.
4th Inning
TOP
I got a phone call, luckily nothing happened. Quick inning. Maybe Boston can get a hit this inning.
BOTTOM
Manny pops up to third. I want nothing more than to see him hit a big one, and mug it.
Lowell walks. Brings up JD Drew...who sucks. I predict a double play.
Line single, Lowell goes to third. Every time I predict failure for JD, he succeeds. I should hate on him more often.
Varitek hits a deep sacrafice to center. He seems to always come through when they need him. That's cool, the Mariners were better without him. Dan Wilson, Kenji, we're good.
The Red Sox relief pitchers call their bullpen the Black Pearl, they think they're pirates. Is that cool or dumb? Probably dumb, at least they win.
Ellsbury walks. Lugo has a chance to do something big for once. Ellsbury stole second, we all get free tacos. Go to Taco Bell and get your free taco on October 30th. Thanks Jacoby. Lugo fails.
FUCK. I just got called into KJR to work. No more thoughts. This fucking sucks, I was having a good time. FUCK FUCK FUCK. Go Manny.
******Three hours Later**********
Alright, I returned to my home, and I have some final and less thorough thoughts on game 2.
Mike Lowell is the perfect guy to follow Manny and Papi. I know I said he has the easiest job in baseball, but he is perfect for it. He is a line drive hitter with power. He hits doubles and comes up big, and I want him on our team.
Hideki Okajima is hella good. I am not really sure what he does. It's like Jamey Moyer meets Norm Charleton meets tricky fork ball. It's pretty crazy, but he maybe the best Japanese pitcher on the Sox, and they didn't have to pay $50 million just to talk to him.
What the hell was Matt Holiday thinking? How can you get picked off, with two outs, when you're the tying run, in the eighth inning of the World Series with one of your best hitters at the plate? Like I said yesterday, young teams make young mistakes. The Sox have been here, they are bleeding the count with every pitcher. (The Red Sox have thrown 126 and 119 pitches in the two games respectively. The Rockies have thrown 197 and 146, that's a hell of a stat Bunktown) And even more than that, you'd never see a Boston player get picked off by a RIGHT HANDED PITCHER, down by one run in the eighth inning. You just won't see that from them.
Jonathon Papelbon is hard as shit. Granted, the "stare" is dumb and overrated, but his fast ball is completely unfair. He throws 97 with movement. And I honestly think he wants to win more than any player I've seen in a long long time. He is intense. That's the type of stuff you wanna see from a player in the World Series. To be honest though, I think he just wants to dance in his underwear again. What a dichotomy, scary flame thrower turns ninny dancing in his scibbies. That said, he is good.
My predictions are still in tact. This is precisely what I thought would happen. Now the Rocks will win game 3 and 4, due to Dice-K's inability to move his pitches in the light air and the Rockies huge edge at Coors Field. Then Beckett will drop the hammer again in game 5, and secure the co-MVP award. Then back to Fenway where Schilling will pitch the lights out in his final game as a Red Sock and come home with another World Series co-MVP award. So be it.
Hey Boston, can you spare some change?
This is a plea to any and all of the good fortune that the city of Boston, and ALL of it's sports teams are currently experiencing. I am the homeless guy that is standing outside of the bar on Saturday night begging for money, and Boston is the drunk basketball player who just got hammered for free and is about to go home and have sex with the flexible cheerleader. Boston, I beg you, please spare some change. Boston fans would like you to believe that they are only experiencing the karmatic results of decades of devout suffering, but don't believe that for a second. True, the Red Sox didn't win a World Series for over 80 years, the Patriots struggled in the 80's and most of the 90's, and the Celtics haven't been good for 20 years, but you have to realize that most of these things didn't over lap. While the Sox were on the schnide for 8 straight decades, the Celtics were busy winning 17 NBA Championships. When the Celtics got bad, the Patriots stepped up and won three Super Bowls in four years. When the Pats seemed like they were gonna cool off, the Sox finally got their World Series. And at any given time, if any of the big three were struggling, those chowder heads could always turn to the Bruins who have won 5 Stanley Cups, or any of there college teams that are always good at something. My point is that it has always been easy to be a sports fan in Boston, because even when one of your teams was struggling, you had another one to turn to. But now, it has gotten ridiculous. While we are at one of our lowest points as a sports city, Boston is getting as lucky as Shaun Alexander in a dick tree. Let's take a sport by sport look at Boston's blessings and Seattle's suckiness.
Baseball-
Although I am pretty happy with the off season coaching additions that the M's have made so far, Larry Bowa, Mel Stoudelmire, etc., Boston is coming off of it's second world series in four years. No more complaining about the "curse". Let's talk about our curse, the curse of existing. We are one of four teams that have never played in the world series, along with Tampa Bay, Milwaukee, and Washington. We've only been around for 32 years, and I know 32 is less than 86, but never is more than 86. We have 1995 and 2001 and that's it. Baseball misery: advantage Seattle.
Pro Football-
The Patriots are the best team in football, possibly the best team ever assembled, they might go undefeated, they have the coolest receiver, the best looking and most bad ass QB, and a coach that has a taste for blood. We are pretty mediocre. We kicked 6 field goals against St. Louis, who is the worst team in football. We have a bunch of number 2 receivers, a bald quarter back, a running back that...isn't good*, and a coach that has a taste for donuts. Just as in baseball, our city has zero championships in this sport. Football misery: advantage Seattle.
*I am no longer going to spend my time, or yours, writing about Shaun Alexander. He is awful. We all know it. 2005 was a great year, but a lot of that credit goes to the O-Line, possibly the best ever. Now Walt is old, and Hutch is making another running back very very happy - Adrian Peterson. Alexander is a waste of time, money, and space, and I am done with him. I hope he builds a tree house in that dick tree we talked about earlier, and leaves all of us alone.
Basketball-
What can I say. The Celts have our best player from last year, and he is the third best player on their team. I hope everybody watched the Celtics play on Friday night, because they are for real. KG is great. We already knew that, but now that he is in a great sports city, with great players, he is on another level. As for us, we have been pretty exciting. "Wonderboy" Durant has been totally amazing, and "Young Nasty Man" Green has been pretty good too. But that's not the point. Clay Bennett officially filed his relocation papers on Friday, and made it public (as if we didn't already know) that he plans on moving the team to Oklahoma City. David Stern said we "have no heart" as a basketball city. I'll have a blog dedicated to this whole cluster in couple of days, as for now, it's pretty fair to say that we are more miserable than any other basketball city in the country. Save our Sonics. Advantage no one.
So, like I said, I am the homeless guy in the rain, and Boston is sipping champagne in the penthouse sweet with it's hot girlfriend. Are we doomed to a life of Richard's Wild Irish Rose and masturbating in a card board box, thinking about Super Bowl rings and World Series'? None of my favorite pro teams have won a championship in my lifetime. To make matters worse, the only titles we have in the past 30 years are bunch of Sounders A-League Championships, and the Storm. That's not a consolation, it's paint balls filled with salt, being shot at our already painful wounds. Cleveland feels our pain, so does Philadelphia. Come on Boston, don't be a dick, spare some change.
Baseball-
Although I am pretty happy with the off season coaching additions that the M's have made so far, Larry Bowa, Mel Stoudelmire, etc., Boston is coming off of it's second world series in four years. No more complaining about the "curse". Let's talk about our curse, the curse of existing. We are one of four teams that have never played in the world series, along with Tampa Bay, Milwaukee, and Washington. We've only been around for 32 years, and I know 32 is less than 86, but never is more than 86. We have 1995 and 2001 and that's it. Baseball misery: advantage Seattle.
Pro Football-
The Patriots are the best team in football, possibly the best team ever assembled, they might go undefeated, they have the coolest receiver, the best looking and most bad ass QB, and a coach that has a taste for blood. We are pretty mediocre. We kicked 6 field goals against St. Louis, who is the worst team in football. We have a bunch of number 2 receivers, a bald quarter back, a running back that...isn't good*, and a coach that has a taste for donuts. Just as in baseball, our city has zero championships in this sport. Football misery: advantage Seattle.
*I am no longer going to spend my time, or yours, writing about Shaun Alexander. He is awful. We all know it. 2005 was a great year, but a lot of that credit goes to the O-Line, possibly the best ever. Now Walt is old, and Hutch is making another running back very very happy - Adrian Peterson. Alexander is a waste of time, money, and space, and I am done with him. I hope he builds a tree house in that dick tree we talked about earlier, and leaves all of us alone.
Basketball-
What can I say. The Celts have our best player from last year, and he is the third best player on their team. I hope everybody watched the Celtics play on Friday night, because they are for real. KG is great. We already knew that, but now that he is in a great sports city, with great players, he is on another level. As for us, we have been pretty exciting. "Wonderboy" Durant has been totally amazing, and "Young Nasty Man" Green has been pretty good too. But that's not the point. Clay Bennett officially filed his relocation papers on Friday, and made it public (as if we didn't already know) that he plans on moving the team to Oklahoma City. David Stern said we "have no heart" as a basketball city. I'll have a blog dedicated to this whole cluster in couple of days, as for now, it's pretty fair to say that we are more miserable than any other basketball city in the country. Save our Sonics. Advantage no one.
So, like I said, I am the homeless guy in the rain, and Boston is sipping champagne in the penthouse sweet with it's hot girlfriend. Are we doomed to a life of Richard's Wild Irish Rose and masturbating in a card board box, thinking about Super Bowl rings and World Series'? None of my favorite pro teams have won a championship in my lifetime. To make matters worse, the only titles we have in the past 30 years are bunch of Sounders A-League Championships, and the Storm. That's not a consolation, it's paint balls filled with salt, being shot at our already painful wounds. Cleveland feels our pain, so does Philadelphia. Come on Boston, don't be a dick, spare some change.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Game 1 Running Thoughts
Instead of consolidating these game notes into a blog that is more of a sports article, I am going to leave them as they are. I think it might be funny for some of you guys to read what I am thinking about when I watch a game and take notes on it. So, hopefully you like this, if not I'll give you your money back.
1st inning-
TOP
Josh Beckett jacked off on the Rockies with 3 K's in the first. Threw one high and tight to Holliday, message received, he was stepping towards the dugout on the next three pitches.
Kaz Matsui was the starting shortstop over Jose Reyes in New York, then the Mets traded him for Eli Morrero. The Mets are stupid.
FOX played "Here Comes your Man" by the Pixies out of the first inning into the commercial. A nice surprise, different from the usual John Fogerty, "Center Field."
BOTTOM
Dustin Pedroia homers, he is a god in Boston for life. He has 6 RBI in his last 5 at bats. On the down side, he'll be bald by 26.
Youk with a double. Six total bases by the Sox first two batters. Fuck, they are hot. Here come the Dominicans.
Papi tried to bunt, thank god he fouled it off.
Jeff Francis apparently grew up playing street hockey in Canada, therefore weather will not play a factor for him in this game. Bad Joe Buck comment number one.
Papi grounds out, moves the runner, here comes your Manny. 2-0 Sox, Manny sees one pitch, Manny has one RBI. Joe Buck is sad.
Clint Hurdle will apparently "throw that book away. That coaching book. The one that says what to do and what not to do." Joe Buck bad comment number two.
Jason Veritek is up, 50th post season game as a Red Sock. Heathcliff Slocumb is drunk somewhere buying hookers with the Mariners money.
The Captain singles, bringing up J.D. the $14 million slugger, who bats seventh.
JD doubles, scoring Manny. This is the first time I have seen Manny score from second without his helmet falling off, he must mean business.
This series is going to be painful because both catchers are X-M's, therefore every pitch will remind me of our painful inability to retain talent, and that we have a catcher named Kenji.
Nice play by Atkins, inning over. 3-0 Sox.
2nd inning-
TOP
Beckett starts the game with 4 straight K's. He may throw a perfect game with 27 K's.
Nope, Garrett Atkins hits a double off the wall. Atkins is the only Rockie doing anything so far.
Hawpe strikes out. He won't pitch a perfect game, 27 K's is still a possibility.
Troy Tulowitzki doubles in Atkins. Beckett is human.
Here is Yorvit, my favorite X-M name ever. He bounces to Lugo, no more chance at 27 K's. Too bad. Asdrubal is a good name too.
We have our first Dane Cook sighting. I swear to god that if it wasn't for those reminders about how great October is, I might stop watching. Thank you Dane. There is only one October.
BOTTOM
Jocoby Ellsbury. Pac 10 guy. Gotta like that. How had I never heard the name Jacoby before three months ago, but now there is Ellbury and Jacoby Jones of the Texans. Weird. He grounds out.
Pedroia grounds out too. He'll be crushed to find out that he doesn't get an RBI for that.
Youkilis is ugly as fuck. Ugliest guy in the series by far. Helton is ugly too. I hate bushy goatees. He draws the walk.
So far FOX has gone with the Pixies and Jimmy Buffet for their music selections, Jason Powell would be happy if he were watching.
Here's Papi. Best facial hair in the series. Best facial hair in baseball actually, it's just so clean. He must use a ruler. Line double to left, Youk scores. Very poorly played by Holiday.
They're walking Manny. Good call. He's hard.
Here' Lowell. Is there a better spot in any line up in baseball than Lowell has? Following Papi and Manny, how easy is that. Pitchers are so relieved to be done with those two, they practically tee it up for him. Hence the .330 average with 30 homers this year.
Harmless pop up. Inning over.
I think they just went to commercial with a Ramones song. I think I like the music director at FOX for this game.
3rd
TOP-
Josh Beckett's goatee looks like a female pornstar's pubic hair.
Spielborgs lines to second.
Willie Tavaris had 37 bunt hits this year? Holy Ichiro!! Manny ran down a long fly ball in the gap. Like he says he's "the best left fielder in baseball." Should have bunted Willie.
Kaz-Mat pops to short, easy inning for Beckett.
BOTTOM-
"It's the kind of thing that made Richard Dreyfuss go into the back yard. Like we're being visited." Bad comment number three, by Joe Buck, talking about the Auquos Blimp that is flying over the game. What a joke, they can't get Kevin Calabro to call the World Series? He'd have a lot of fun with Manny's antics. Only in dreams.
JD Drew grounds weakly to first. He must think he gets paid by the weak ground out, because he has about 14 million of them this year.
Bunt single by Ichiro...sorry I mean Lugo. Bunt single by Lugo. Bunt singles are weak.
Jacoby grounds out, he's handsome. Inning over, without a run. The Rockies are improving.
4th Inning
TOP-
Dustin Pedroia and Terry Francona play cribbadge every day? What are they 90.
Double by Helton, he's still batting .190 in the playoffs, the green monster is getting peppered tonight.
Tim McCarver just sucked Todd Helton's dick...so did Joe Buck. Apparently neither of them has heard of HGH or the clear.
I think Beckett has thrown like six curve balls tonight. He is throwing like 90% fast balls, and he has 7 K's through 4 innings. If McCarver and Buck wanna slurp somebody, it should be Beckett.
BOTTOM-
Another Ramones song coming out of the commercial, I'm gonna watch the credits at the end of the game and send a congratulatory email to the music director. Good music is a very rare thing on a FOX baseball broadcast, usually loads of Tom Petty and AC/DC.
Troy Tulowitzki is 23, I am 23. Weak.
Two quick outs for Jeff Francis. He must be reverting back to his weather training growing up playing street hockey in Canada.
Papi goes to left again. He is a great great hitter. Not just for power, he can go to any field and get hits. Now I'm slurping.
Speaking of slurping, here's Manny.
Tim McCarver reminds us that there haven't always been seats on the Green Monster. Thanks, maybe he should get in on those Dane Cook commercials, and they can both tell us stuff we already know about baseball.
Manny goes opposite field for a double. When you can take outside pitches the other way like Papi and Manny can, life is good.
Intentional walk to Mike Lowell, bases loaded for Varitek.
"If you've only been watching the NLCS and not the ALCS..." Joe Buck bad comment number four. No one has been watching the NLCS. And who would watch the NLCS and not the ALCS, Joe Buck sucks.
Varitek doubles down the left field line, two more runs score. 6-1 Sox.
JD Drew strikes out of course, and the inning is over. So too, maybe the game. Six runs for Beckett is more than enough I think.
5th Inning
TOP
MIMS "This is why I'm Hot" coming out of commercial. This is just getting better and better.
Tulowitzki swings at the first pitch and grounds out to short. Inexperienced players help out veteran pitchers in the playoffs. Jeff Francis has thrown 90+ pitches, Beckett is in the 50's.
Beckett with another K. That's 8. All fastballs too.
Beckett has 34 K's with only 1 walk this post season, he is pretty good. Make that 2 walks, he just walked Spilborghs.
BOTTOM
This is crazy, because I just got a phone call, and I talked for a half an hour, and I came back and it was still the bottom of the fifth. While watching the game on mute I noticed that the Rockies walked in three runs in a row, balked a guy over, went through three pitchers and blew the game wide open. 13-1 Sox. I'm glad I spent that inning talking and not paying attention to the laugher that game one has become.
It's 13-1. Game Over, no more thoughts.
"Troy either had purchased for him, or purchased himself, Jeter's cologne...Driven. Which is a breath taking fragrance." Joe Buck bad comment number six.
1st inning-
TOP
Josh Beckett jacked off on the Rockies with 3 K's in the first. Threw one high and tight to Holliday, message received, he was stepping towards the dugout on the next three pitches.
Kaz Matsui was the starting shortstop over Jose Reyes in New York, then the Mets traded him for Eli Morrero. The Mets are stupid.
FOX played "Here Comes your Man" by the Pixies out of the first inning into the commercial. A nice surprise, different from the usual John Fogerty, "Center Field."
BOTTOM
Dustin Pedroia homers, he is a god in Boston for life. He has 6 RBI in his last 5 at bats. On the down side, he'll be bald by 26.
Youk with a double. Six total bases by the Sox first two batters. Fuck, they are hot. Here come the Dominicans.
Papi tried to bunt, thank god he fouled it off.
Jeff Francis apparently grew up playing street hockey in Canada, therefore weather will not play a factor for him in this game. Bad Joe Buck comment number one.
Papi grounds out, moves the runner, here comes your Manny. 2-0 Sox, Manny sees one pitch, Manny has one RBI. Joe Buck is sad.
Clint Hurdle will apparently "throw that book away. That coaching book. The one that says what to do and what not to do." Joe Buck bad comment number two.
Jason Veritek is up, 50th post season game as a Red Sock. Heathcliff Slocumb is drunk somewhere buying hookers with the Mariners money.
The Captain singles, bringing up J.D. the $14 million slugger, who bats seventh.
JD doubles, scoring Manny. This is the first time I have seen Manny score from second without his helmet falling off, he must mean business.
This series is going to be painful because both catchers are X-M's, therefore every pitch will remind me of our painful inability to retain talent, and that we have a catcher named Kenji.
Nice play by Atkins, inning over. 3-0 Sox.
2nd inning-
TOP
Beckett starts the game with 4 straight K's. He may throw a perfect game with 27 K's.
Nope, Garrett Atkins hits a double off the wall. Atkins is the only Rockie doing anything so far.
Hawpe strikes out. He won't pitch a perfect game, 27 K's is still a possibility.
Troy Tulowitzki doubles in Atkins. Beckett is human.
Here is Yorvit, my favorite X-M name ever. He bounces to Lugo, no more chance at 27 K's. Too bad. Asdrubal is a good name too.
We have our first Dane Cook sighting. I swear to god that if it wasn't for those reminders about how great October is, I might stop watching. Thank you Dane. There is only one October.
BOTTOM
Jocoby Ellsbury. Pac 10 guy. Gotta like that. How had I never heard the name Jacoby before three months ago, but now there is Ellbury and Jacoby Jones of the Texans. Weird. He grounds out.
Pedroia grounds out too. He'll be crushed to find out that he doesn't get an RBI for that.
Youkilis is ugly as fuck. Ugliest guy in the series by far. Helton is ugly too. I hate bushy goatees. He draws the walk.
So far FOX has gone with the Pixies and Jimmy Buffet for their music selections, Jason Powell would be happy if he were watching.
Here's Papi. Best facial hair in the series. Best facial hair in baseball actually, it's just so clean. He must use a ruler. Line double to left, Youk scores. Very poorly played by Holiday.
They're walking Manny. Good call. He's hard.
Here' Lowell. Is there a better spot in any line up in baseball than Lowell has? Following Papi and Manny, how easy is that. Pitchers are so relieved to be done with those two, they practically tee it up for him. Hence the .330 average with 30 homers this year.
Harmless pop up. Inning over.
I think they just went to commercial with a Ramones song. I think I like the music director at FOX for this game.
3rd
TOP-
Josh Beckett's goatee looks like a female pornstar's pubic hair.
Spielborgs lines to second.
Willie Tavaris had 37 bunt hits this year? Holy Ichiro!! Manny ran down a long fly ball in the gap. Like he says he's "the best left fielder in baseball." Should have bunted Willie.
Kaz-Mat pops to short, easy inning for Beckett.
BOTTOM-
"It's the kind of thing that made Richard Dreyfuss go into the back yard. Like we're being visited." Bad comment number three, by Joe Buck, talking about the Auquos Blimp that is flying over the game. What a joke, they can't get Kevin Calabro to call the World Series? He'd have a lot of fun with Manny's antics. Only in dreams.
JD Drew grounds weakly to first. He must think he gets paid by the weak ground out, because he has about 14 million of them this year.
Bunt single by Ichiro...sorry I mean Lugo. Bunt single by Lugo. Bunt singles are weak.
Jacoby grounds out, he's handsome. Inning over, without a run. The Rockies are improving.
4th Inning
TOP-
Dustin Pedroia and Terry Francona play cribbadge every day? What are they 90.
Double by Helton, he's still batting .190 in the playoffs, the green monster is getting peppered tonight.
Tim McCarver just sucked Todd Helton's dick...so did Joe Buck. Apparently neither of them has heard of HGH or the clear.
I think Beckett has thrown like six curve balls tonight. He is throwing like 90% fast balls, and he has 7 K's through 4 innings. If McCarver and Buck wanna slurp somebody, it should be Beckett.
BOTTOM-
Another Ramones song coming out of the commercial, I'm gonna watch the credits at the end of the game and send a congratulatory email to the music director. Good music is a very rare thing on a FOX baseball broadcast, usually loads of Tom Petty and AC/DC.
Troy Tulowitzki is 23, I am 23. Weak.
Two quick outs for Jeff Francis. He must be reverting back to his weather training growing up playing street hockey in Canada.
Papi goes to left again. He is a great great hitter. Not just for power, he can go to any field and get hits. Now I'm slurping.
Speaking of slurping, here's Manny.
Tim McCarver reminds us that there haven't always been seats on the Green Monster. Thanks, maybe he should get in on those Dane Cook commercials, and they can both tell us stuff we already know about baseball.
Manny goes opposite field for a double. When you can take outside pitches the other way like Papi and Manny can, life is good.
Intentional walk to Mike Lowell, bases loaded for Varitek.
"If you've only been watching the NLCS and not the ALCS..." Joe Buck bad comment number four. No one has been watching the NLCS. And who would watch the NLCS and not the ALCS, Joe Buck sucks.
Varitek doubles down the left field line, two more runs score. 6-1 Sox.
JD Drew strikes out of course, and the inning is over. So too, maybe the game. Six runs for Beckett is more than enough I think.
5th Inning
TOP
MIMS "This is why I'm Hot" coming out of commercial. This is just getting better and better.
Tulowitzki swings at the first pitch and grounds out to short. Inexperienced players help out veteran pitchers in the playoffs. Jeff Francis has thrown 90+ pitches, Beckett is in the 50's.
Beckett with another K. That's 8. All fastballs too.
Beckett has 34 K's with only 1 walk this post season, he is pretty good. Make that 2 walks, he just walked Spilborghs.
BOTTOM
This is crazy, because I just got a phone call, and I talked for a half an hour, and I came back and it was still the bottom of the fifth. While watching the game on mute I noticed that the Rockies walked in three runs in a row, balked a guy over, went through three pitchers and blew the game wide open. 13-1 Sox. I'm glad I spent that inning talking and not paying attention to the laugher that game one has become.
It's 13-1. Game Over, no more thoughts.
"Troy either had purchased for him, or purchased himself, Jeter's cologne...Driven. Which is a breath taking fragrance." Joe Buck bad comment number six.
I'm Psychic
I just want to make my prediction quickly before the game starts so I can make sure no one thinks I'm cheating. I can see how you might assume that I am, since I have predicted what would happen so far this post season to a T. I predicted a Sox sweep over Los Angeles, I predicted Cleveland in 4 over the Yanks. I said the Sox would win a thrilling 7 game series vs. the Indians, and guess what, they did. And if it wasn't for the fact that the Rockies never lose, I'd have called the number of games in their series also. Nevertheless, I called Sox vs. Rocks, and I am going to revel in my fortunate forecasting. I'm a soothsayer. I'm a profit. Whatever, here's the World Series prediction 20 seconds before the first pitch. Sox in six. So be it.
Monday, October 8, 2007
3 Sweeps, The Boss is Upset, and Spoken Word??
I don't want to be to over congratulatory with myself, but for all the heat I've been taking for predicting the M's to win the wild card and Hawks to the Super Bowl, I'm gonna bathe in the glory of my divisional series predictions. Not only was I 75% on my final four teams, and had Sweet Lou not pulled Big Z too early in game one I may have been 4 for 4, but I picked the Sox and Indians series down to the game. Pretty good Bunktown, but enough back patting, time to get down to business.
The Sox are for real. The Indians are too. The ALCS is going to be fantastic, which is a really good thing, because the NLCS may draw less ratings than a "Joey" marathon. I don't want to kill my ratings, so I'm not going to talk about the NLCS, I know none of you care about it so, Rockies in six, and that's it.
Back to more important and interesting topics. The two best pitching staffs in baseball are matching up in what could be a classic seven game series. CC vs. Beckett, Fausto vs. Dice-K, the Rafaels, Papelbon, Jo Bo the dirty Polack, and much much more. So, if there is so much great pitching in this series, why is it the offense that has me so excited? Manny, Pappi, and the seven Cleveland starters batting over .350 in the playoffs, that's why. David Ortiz is batting .714 in the playoffs. I know it was only a three game series, but he came to the plate 13 times, 11 of those times he got on base. In 13 at bats the Angels could only get him out twice. And he isn't fast. He isn't legging out infield singles. He is killing the ball. Manny is batting .375, and if you combine the two HUGE home runs he hit over the weekend he probably covered a quarter of a mile. Conversely, Jhonny Peralta is batting .467, and Lofton and Siezmore are both batting .375. Both teams have offenses that are firing on all cylinders, and pitching staffs that are fabulous. This is going to be a great series, and in the end it's going to come down to experience. Boston has been there, Cleveland is young. While CC and Fausto are both great, they're not going to win every game by 5 runs. That means that Joe Borowski will come into play. You can't win the AL with a closer who has a plus 5 ERA, especially when Boston has arguably the best closer in baseball. If it comes down to Jo Bo vs. Pappi late in a game, who would you pick. Plus Beckett was world series MVP, so was Manny. My prediction, Boston in a great great 7. Sorry Skyward.
As happy and optimistic as both the Red Sox and Indians are going to in the next round of the playoffs, the Yankees are pissed off and going home. More than that, George Stienbrenner is getting ready to shake things up. Joe Torre is gone, period. Whether he quits or gets fired or gets whacked (he needs to be in the next Martin Scorsese movie) he is gone with the wind. So too maybe A-Rod, who had a frustrating resurgence in games 3 and 4 not allowing himself to go down in history as the worst post season flop of all time. That said, he may decide to hit the market and see what he can get. And for the first time in about six years, I'm on his side on this one. There is no doubt that he is a sniveling, whiney, lifeless, self important, phony douche bag. That said, he maybe the best human to ever put on spikes. So, why not throw out the line and see if anybody bites. It's not like he should feel any need to be loyal to the Yankees or the city of New York. Not that I don't think it's great, but every time he blinks he's on the back page of the New York Post or getting booed. Shop around. See if you can't pull in 35, maybe 40 million, and go to some other poor, unsuspecting city and crush their dreams and handcuff their payroll. Good luck Cubs.
One last thing before I go. I don't know if anyone has seen this on Sportscenter, but Stuart Scott has some how convinced his producers that him reciting spoken word poems about current sporting events is a good idea. Tonight he did one about KG playing for Boston. Complete with sort of rhyming lyrics, "moody" lighting, and retarded camera angles, he performed a minute and half long poem about Kevin Garnett. Three reasons why this sucks, beside the obvious ones: 1. Now I will think about that poem every time I see KG in green, 2. Sportscenter, a nearly perfect show, is now a little shittier, 3. Stuart Scott is getting so much pull at ESPN they are letting him do whatever he wants. I only wish Kenny Mayne would have been his co-host tonight, I think he might have had something to say about the poem.
I'm sorry to have to give Stu the Dane Cook treatment, but I feel it's necessary.
HEY STU. It is Sportscenter. Be glad that you have the best fucking job in the world, and stop trying so hard to fuck it up. You're not in some college coffee shop in Portland, it's not Dave Chapelle's Block Party, it is Sportscenter. Stick to having a lazy eye and trying to hide it. Stick to awkwardly reminding us that you are "hip" six times a show by saying "booya" and "Ray Ray and Pookie and them". Stick to what has gotten you to the top. Please, Stu, no more spoken word. It's just sad. Think about what your kids have to go through at school every time you write a poem about some male athlete you don't even know. Think about the kids Stu, and make it stop.
The Sox are for real. The Indians are too. The ALCS is going to be fantastic, which is a really good thing, because the NLCS may draw less ratings than a "Joey" marathon. I don't want to kill my ratings, so I'm not going to talk about the NLCS, I know none of you care about it so, Rockies in six, and that's it.
Back to more important and interesting topics. The two best pitching staffs in baseball are matching up in what could be a classic seven game series. CC vs. Beckett, Fausto vs. Dice-K, the Rafaels, Papelbon, Jo Bo the dirty Polack, and much much more. So, if there is so much great pitching in this series, why is it the offense that has me so excited? Manny, Pappi, and the seven Cleveland starters batting over .350 in the playoffs, that's why. David Ortiz is batting .714 in the playoffs. I know it was only a three game series, but he came to the plate 13 times, 11 of those times he got on base. In 13 at bats the Angels could only get him out twice. And he isn't fast. He isn't legging out infield singles. He is killing the ball. Manny is batting .375, and if you combine the two HUGE home runs he hit over the weekend he probably covered a quarter of a mile. Conversely, Jhonny Peralta is batting .467, and Lofton and Siezmore are both batting .375. Both teams have offenses that are firing on all cylinders, and pitching staffs that are fabulous. This is going to be a great series, and in the end it's going to come down to experience. Boston has been there, Cleveland is young. While CC and Fausto are both great, they're not going to win every game by 5 runs. That means that Joe Borowski will come into play. You can't win the AL with a closer who has a plus 5 ERA, especially when Boston has arguably the best closer in baseball. If it comes down to Jo Bo vs. Pappi late in a game, who would you pick. Plus Beckett was world series MVP, so was Manny. My prediction, Boston in a great great 7. Sorry Skyward.
As happy and optimistic as both the Red Sox and Indians are going to in the next round of the playoffs, the Yankees are pissed off and going home. More than that, George Stienbrenner is getting ready to shake things up. Joe Torre is gone, period. Whether he quits or gets fired or gets whacked (he needs to be in the next Martin Scorsese movie) he is gone with the wind. So too maybe A-Rod, who had a frustrating resurgence in games 3 and 4 not allowing himself to go down in history as the worst post season flop of all time. That said, he may decide to hit the market and see what he can get. And for the first time in about six years, I'm on his side on this one. There is no doubt that he is a sniveling, whiney, lifeless, self important, phony douche bag. That said, he maybe the best human to ever put on spikes. So, why not throw out the line and see if anybody bites. It's not like he should feel any need to be loyal to the Yankees or the city of New York. Not that I don't think it's great, but every time he blinks he's on the back page of the New York Post or getting booed. Shop around. See if you can't pull in 35, maybe 40 million, and go to some other poor, unsuspecting city and crush their dreams and handcuff their payroll. Good luck Cubs.
One last thing before I go. I don't know if anyone has seen this on Sportscenter, but Stuart Scott has some how convinced his producers that him reciting spoken word poems about current sporting events is a good idea. Tonight he did one about KG playing for Boston. Complete with sort of rhyming lyrics, "moody" lighting, and retarded camera angles, he performed a minute and half long poem about Kevin Garnett. Three reasons why this sucks, beside the obvious ones: 1. Now I will think about that poem every time I see KG in green, 2. Sportscenter, a nearly perfect show, is now a little shittier, 3. Stuart Scott is getting so much pull at ESPN they are letting him do whatever he wants. I only wish Kenny Mayne would have been his co-host tonight, I think he might have had something to say about the poem.
I'm sorry to have to give Stu the Dane Cook treatment, but I feel it's necessary.
HEY STU. It is Sportscenter. Be glad that you have the best fucking job in the world, and stop trying so hard to fuck it up. You're not in some college coffee shop in Portland, it's not Dave Chapelle's Block Party, it is Sportscenter. Stick to having a lazy eye and trying to hide it. Stick to awkwardly reminding us that you are "hip" six times a show by saying "booya" and "Ray Ray and Pookie and them". Stick to what has gotten you to the top. Please, Stu, no more spoken word. It's just sad. Think about what your kids have to go through at school every time you write a poem about some male athlete you don't even know. Think about the kids Stu, and make it stop.
Friday, October 5, 2007
X-M's, Fausto, Bugs, Manny's Dong and the Reverse Bartman
Before we get to anything else, let's take our daily look at the X-M's and how they did in today's action.
Alex Rodriguez- 0-4, 3 K, no hits in his last 28 post season road at bats, second longest streak of all time, what a joke.
Asdrubal Crabrera- 0-4, 6 Runners left on base
Jason Veritek- 0-4, 2 runners left on base
David Ortiz- 1-1, 4 BB, 2 intentional walks, 2 R
Statistically a pretty bad day for all of the XM's, except for David Ortiz. But in my opinion it was a fabulous day. The Sox pulled into a 2-0 series lead, leaving the Angels one loss away from four months of thinking "what could have been." And, above all, the Yanks are down two, and A-Rod is one bad game away from being a Chicago Cub. What the hell is wrong with this guy? 0 for his last 28 road at bats, 4 for is last 47 overall post season at bats, and since he left the M's he hasn't had a decent post season. For being the best player in baseball, he isn't very good.
*Hilarious random stat that I hope you all noticed when watching the Yanks v. Angels game. The longest 0-fer streak in post season history is 30 at bats by Billy North, the next three...A-Rod, Dan Wilson and Rickey Henderson, all XM's. It's nice to be able to think about your favorite team while watching other teams in the playoffs, and with any luck, we will have one of our own on top of that list by Sunday night. Go A-Rod!!!
As for players who didn't ever have the privilege of wearing the navy and teal, Friday was a hell of a night for baseball. Fausto Carmona is my favorite pitcher in the post season, and not just because he carried my fantasy baseball team into the playoffs. His sinker is everything a sinker is supposed to be. He made A-Rod look like a fool four times, and he apparently he isn't bothered by bugs. Which brings me to my next point. That had to be one of the most disgusting things I have seen in a really long time. I had about a billion random thoughts during the three innings where the bugs were attacking the game. Here is a short list:
-Cleveland is an awful, horrible, gross place.
-Joba Chamberlain attracts bugs like a pile of shit.
-Was the bug spray they gave Joba actually attracting the bugs? After he sprayed that stuff on himself, he had more bugs on him than a Mexican taco truck.
-Why didn't the bugs affect Fausto? Maybe he likes it? Fausto is great.
The night game was even more fun for a lot of reasons. I am getting far too much pleasure out of watching the Angels get beat, but whatever, I have to feel better about the Mariners some how. (By the way, during the Sox/Angels game we got word that the M's fired all of their coaches except Jeff Pentland the hitting coach. Other than Pentland, the McLariners will have a whole new staff next year. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE HIRE NORM CHARLETON!!!)
The second best thing that happened in the game was what I will refer to as the "Reverse Bartman." This is a perfect example of how the Red Sox have the best fans in baseball. (I'm talking about the ones from Boston, not the teenie bopper "Red Sox Nation" douche bags who populate every other city in the country) I guarantee that if that was a Angel batter who popped up and Jason Varitek was in the stands trying to catch that ball, that kid would have gotten out of the way. But it wasn't. It was Manny, and that kid did exactly what he should have done. When the other team is in the stands, get in their way. And that is exactly what he did, and he made a pretty nice catch too. His play kept Manny alive, Manny walked, and the next batter drove in a run. That kid should get an RBI. Fifty bucks says he got laid because of that play, and that is why the Red Sox have the best home fans in baseball.
But the best thing that happened in the game was Manny's HUGE walk off. I had even more thoughts during this play than I did during Joba and the bugs, here they are:
-It's huge!!
-Why is he still standing there in the batters box? Doesn't he know that even though the game's over, he still has to run.
-Walking Pappi to get to Manny is like talking your way out of a fight with Evander Holifield so you can fight Mike Tyson, what's the difference, you're gonna get your ass kicked either way.
-Why is he still standing there with his hands in the air, somebody tell him he has to run.
-I couldn't hit a 5 iron as far as he hit that home run.
-It's really really big!
-I just got a text from Jonah expressing his thoughts on Manny's pipe.
-Is he still standing there?
-When was his last hair cut?
-That ball may cause a car crash....in Connecticut.
-Good he's running, or jogging very very slowly.
-If I could do what he just did, I'd stand in the batters box for twice that long. And if my hang down was as long as his, I'd take off my pants before I sauntered around the bases.
The best part of the whole thing though, was this: we were watching the game at Sport Restaurant near the Seattle Center, for a KJR event. We had a special section set up for people who wanted to watch the game with us, and win prizes and get their pictures taken with this huge bobble head doll named "Postseason Pete". Most of the people in the section were Red Sox fans, and by the time Manny pulled out on K-Rod, they were all good and drunk. By some crazy stroke of luck, Softy decided to start up a conversation with the ladies next to us about the size of, of all things, David Ortiz's piece. I don't think he knew how much this topic means to me, because before long I was giving a full on lecture about how Manny's is twice as long, 24 inches to be exact. After five minutes I had everyone in our section, about 20 people, calling him Manny two foot. And...when he hit his huge jack to end the game, all 20 of them chanted "Two Foot, Two Foot" for about two minutes. This is instantly one of the greatest moments I've had in my 3 years at KJR. It ranks right up there with the Too-Short experience, the Norm Charleton stories, and beating Dave Henderson (Hendu) in a putting contest for 20 bucks. My ultimate goal is to get as far as I can in the sports world while acting the same way I would in my living room with my friends, if things like this keep happening we're going all the way.
"Two Foot, Two Foot."
Alex Rodriguez- 0-4, 3 K, no hits in his last 28 post season road at bats, second longest streak of all time, what a joke.
Asdrubal Crabrera- 0-4, 6 Runners left on base
Jason Veritek- 0-4, 2 runners left on base
David Ortiz- 1-1, 4 BB, 2 intentional walks, 2 R
Statistically a pretty bad day for all of the XM's, except for David Ortiz. But in my opinion it was a fabulous day. The Sox pulled into a 2-0 series lead, leaving the Angels one loss away from four months of thinking "what could have been." And, above all, the Yanks are down two, and A-Rod is one bad game away from being a Chicago Cub. What the hell is wrong with this guy? 0 for his last 28 road at bats, 4 for is last 47 overall post season at bats, and since he left the M's he hasn't had a decent post season. For being the best player in baseball, he isn't very good.
*Hilarious random stat that I hope you all noticed when watching the Yanks v. Angels game. The longest 0-fer streak in post season history is 30 at bats by Billy North, the next three...A-Rod, Dan Wilson and Rickey Henderson, all XM's. It's nice to be able to think about your favorite team while watching other teams in the playoffs, and with any luck, we will have one of our own on top of that list by Sunday night. Go A-Rod!!!
As for players who didn't ever have the privilege of wearing the navy and teal, Friday was a hell of a night for baseball. Fausto Carmona is my favorite pitcher in the post season, and not just because he carried my fantasy baseball team into the playoffs. His sinker is everything a sinker is supposed to be. He made A-Rod look like a fool four times, and he apparently he isn't bothered by bugs. Which brings me to my next point. That had to be one of the most disgusting things I have seen in a really long time. I had about a billion random thoughts during the three innings where the bugs were attacking the game. Here is a short list:
-Cleveland is an awful, horrible, gross place.
-Joba Chamberlain attracts bugs like a pile of shit.
-Was the bug spray they gave Joba actually attracting the bugs? After he sprayed that stuff on himself, he had more bugs on him than a Mexican taco truck.
-Why didn't the bugs affect Fausto? Maybe he likes it? Fausto is great.
The night game was even more fun for a lot of reasons. I am getting far too much pleasure out of watching the Angels get beat, but whatever, I have to feel better about the Mariners some how. (By the way, during the Sox/Angels game we got word that the M's fired all of their coaches except Jeff Pentland the hitting coach. Other than Pentland, the McLariners will have a whole new staff next year. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE HIRE NORM CHARLETON!!!)
The second best thing that happened in the game was what I will refer to as the "Reverse Bartman." This is a perfect example of how the Red Sox have the best fans in baseball. (I'm talking about the ones from Boston, not the teenie bopper "Red Sox Nation" douche bags who populate every other city in the country) I guarantee that if that was a Angel batter who popped up and Jason Varitek was in the stands trying to catch that ball, that kid would have gotten out of the way. But it wasn't. It was Manny, and that kid did exactly what he should have done. When the other team is in the stands, get in their way. And that is exactly what he did, and he made a pretty nice catch too. His play kept Manny alive, Manny walked, and the next batter drove in a run. That kid should get an RBI. Fifty bucks says he got laid because of that play, and that is why the Red Sox have the best home fans in baseball.
But the best thing that happened in the game was Manny's HUGE walk off. I had even more thoughts during this play than I did during Joba and the bugs, here they are:
-It's huge!!
-Why is he still standing there in the batters box? Doesn't he know that even though the game's over, he still has to run.
-Walking Pappi to get to Manny is like talking your way out of a fight with Evander Holifield so you can fight Mike Tyson, what's the difference, you're gonna get your ass kicked either way.
-Why is he still standing there with his hands in the air, somebody tell him he has to run.
-I couldn't hit a 5 iron as far as he hit that home run.
-It's really really big!
-I just got a text from Jonah expressing his thoughts on Manny's pipe.
-Is he still standing there?
-When was his last hair cut?
-That ball may cause a car crash....in Connecticut.
-Good he's running, or jogging very very slowly.
-If I could do what he just did, I'd stand in the batters box for twice that long. And if my hang down was as long as his, I'd take off my pants before I sauntered around the bases.
The best part of the whole thing though, was this: we were watching the game at Sport Restaurant near the Seattle Center, for a KJR event. We had a special section set up for people who wanted to watch the game with us, and win prizes and get their pictures taken with this huge bobble head doll named "Postseason Pete". Most of the people in the section were Red Sox fans, and by the time Manny pulled out on K-Rod, they were all good and drunk. By some crazy stroke of luck, Softy decided to start up a conversation with the ladies next to us about the size of, of all things, David Ortiz's piece. I don't think he knew how much this topic means to me, because before long I was giving a full on lecture about how Manny's is twice as long, 24 inches to be exact. After five minutes I had everyone in our section, about 20 people, calling him Manny two foot. And...when he hit his huge jack to end the game, all 20 of them chanted "Two Foot, Two Foot" for about two minutes. This is instantly one of the greatest moments I've had in my 3 years at KJR. It ranks right up there with the Too-Short experience, the Norm Charleton stories, and beating Dave Henderson (Hendu) in a putting contest for 20 bucks. My ultimate goal is to get as far as I can in the sports world while acting the same way I would in my living room with my friends, if things like this keep happening we're going all the way.
"Two Foot, Two Foot."
Ex-Mariners Update
Yorvit Torrealba- 2-3, 2 RBI
Jose Mesa- .1 IP, 1H, 3R, 3ER, 2BB, 81.01ERA
Brian Fuentes- .1 IP, 1H, 2BB, 1K
A far less impressive day two for the X-M's. The question of the day is this...why do professional baseball teams continue to let Jose Mesa pitch in the playoffs? Doesn't anyone remember the World Series that he single handedly lost in Cleveland? Doesn't anybody remember what he did as a Mariner? He is an absolute disaster of a pitcher in the post season. The Phillies are simply one more bump in the road that is Jose Mesa's mediocre playoff career.
And here are some funny things I heard about, or read regarding yesterday in playoff baseball.
1. LeBron James sat in the front row of the Indians v. Yankees game with a Yankees hat on. Not only was the game in Cleveland, LBJ's home town, but he plays for the Cavs. What a dummy. I heard they booed him. More proof that there are band wagoneers EVERYWHERE!!! But he's the King, and Cleveland is his Kingdom, he can do whatever he wants. I would have booed him though, thumbs up Cleveland.
2. I saw a sign in the Cleveland crowd that read, "Hey Wang, wong number!!" That's a good sign, the best I've seen so far in the playoffs. Again, thumbs up Cleveland.
3. Bob Melvin is one win away from the NLCS. That is high comedy, especially because he is beating Lou Piniella. Possibly the worst Mariners manager of all time is out dueling the best. Go M's.
4. Did anybody see Wang's sinker. It looked like a little league fast ball. I would have gone 2-4 with 2RBI against him. It was like T-ball. Hey Ching, your sinker doesn't sink. My advise, try the forkball.
Jose Mesa- .1 IP, 1H, 3R, 3ER, 2BB, 81.01ERA
Brian Fuentes- .1 IP, 1H, 2BB, 1K
A far less impressive day two for the X-M's. The question of the day is this...why do professional baseball teams continue to let Jose Mesa pitch in the playoffs? Doesn't anyone remember the World Series that he single handedly lost in Cleveland? Doesn't anybody remember what he did as a Mariner? He is an absolute disaster of a pitcher in the post season. The Phillies are simply one more bump in the road that is Jose Mesa's mediocre playoff career.
And here are some funny things I heard about, or read regarding yesterday in playoff baseball.
1. LeBron James sat in the front row of the Indians v. Yankees game with a Yankees hat on. Not only was the game in Cleveland, LBJ's home town, but he plays for the Cavs. What a dummy. I heard they booed him. More proof that there are band wagoneers EVERYWHERE!!! But he's the King, and Cleveland is his Kingdom, he can do whatever he wants. I would have booed him though, thumbs up Cleveland.
2. I saw a sign in the Cleveland crowd that read, "Hey Wang, wong number!!" That's a good sign, the best I've seen so far in the playoffs. Again, thumbs up Cleveland.
3. Bob Melvin is one win away from the NLCS. That is high comedy, especially because he is beating Lou Piniella. Possibly the worst Mariners manager of all time is out dueling the best. Go M's.
4. Did anybody see Wang's sinker. It looked like a little league fast ball. I would have gone 2-4 with 2RBI against him. It was like T-ball. Hey Ching, your sinker doesn't sink. My advise, try the forkball.
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
Playoff Surprises
So we are one day into the Major League Baseball playoffs, and there are a number of interesting story lines, and a few hilarious sub plots. And I have to say, as pessimistic as I was 24 hours ago about what these playoffs had in store, I am feeling the exact opposite tonight. First we'll discuss the best parts of each series, and get my ever accurate predictions.
Boston vs. The Los Angeles Angels of Disneyland-
Well, after game 1, the most interesting and fulfilling story line for me as a Mariners fan is that the Sox are gonna kick the crap out of the Angels. Nothing vindicates my hatred more than seeing our most bitter rival get blown out. The things that are going to captivate the sports world are as follows: Josh Beckett is really really good, David Ortiz took a page from Shaq's "Don't Try Until the Playoffs" book, and that while Mike Scioscia may look like Bobby Knight, he can't coach worth The General's spit. Add to that the fact that the top three coolest Dominican guys are in this series - Manny, Pappi, and Vlad - and you have a series worth paying attention to. Boston in three.
New York vs. Cleveland-
I am always interested in any series where Alex Rodriguez has a chance to further cement himself as the most un-clutch player of all time. If he chokes, the Yankees are dead in the water, and he is done as a Yankee. The real excitement though, will come from Cleveland's starting rotation, which I feel is the best in the playoffs. I'll take C.C. and Fausto over Wang and Pettite any day. Throw in a solid Jake Westbrook and a decent Paul Byrd, if it goes past game 3, and the Indians are looking pretty good. Mussina officially sucks, and Clemens is getting pretty close to joining him. And, did you know CC and Fausto went a combined 8-0 with an ERA of 2.08 in September. Conversely, the Yankees beat the Indians all six times they played this season. Go figure. A-Rod will have a monster series, but Cleveland in four.
Arizona vs. Chicago-
I have a really hard time watching this series without overheating with anger due to the fact that both of the managers used to be ours, but when I get past that, this is a great series. The things that have me most excited to watch this series, are the same things that had me excited to watch the Cubs all year, Carlos Zambrano's arm, and Carlos Zambrano's bat. I love watching this guy pitch. He over powers guys with his fastball, then makes them look very very silly with his nasty curve, all the while wearing his hat tilted slightly to the east. If that weren't enough, he batted higher than any other pitcher in baseball this year (.249, 45 points higher than Richie Sexson), and has the ability to go yard big time (12 career home runs, twice as many as Willie Bloomquist). But Zambrano isn't the only reason I love this series. The Diamond Backs are by far the youngest team in the playoffs. Guys like Chris Young, and Brandon Webb are the future of baseball, and this our first chance to see them on a national level. After game 1 though, I am a bit disappointed. The Cubs lost, and although Big Z did have a double, he looked like mid season Z, not late season Z, which is too bad. On the plus side, this means we get to see him in game five. Plus, as long as they're not playing the Mariners, I will never root against any Lou Piniella managed team. Oh yeah, Cubs in five.
Colorado vs. Philadelphia-
This is my favorite first round series by far. The way both of these teams played down the stretch to even get to the playoffs is what baseball is all about. The Phills running down the Mets in the most absurd collapse in baseball history. The Rockies not only winning 12 of their last 13, but also coming from two runs down in the bottom of the 13th in the one game playoff. Crazy!! The only bad part about this series is that one of these two teams dream season run has to come to an end. Also, I love both of these managers. Remember back in the first or second week of the season when Charlie Manual flipped out and started yelling at reporters? That was hilarious. Plus, the Rockies manager's name is Clint Hurdle. Can you think of a better name for a Colorado manager? I can't. Clint, it just makes sense. Rockies in five.
Hilarious Observations:
-The funniest thing that I have noticed so far is that Tony Clark still plays professional baseball. Remember Tony the Tiger? That guy was really good...in 1997. I didn't know he still played, let alone started. And for the youngest team by average in the playoffs too. If he wasn't on the roster, I think the average age of the D-Backs would be 16.
-The NHL season started today. Canada is happy.
-TBS is trying way too hard to secure it's place as a serious sports station. They have so many poorly informed formulas for attempting to relate to the sports world. First, we love Ernie Johnson for one reason and one reason only, because Charles Barkley tells him that he is gonna "slap the hell out of him" all the time. You can't just throw Cal Ripken and Frank Thomas on screen with him and assume we'll take to that the same way we do to Charles and Kenny. It's not that easy. Second, we like stand up comics, but don't over do it. Every other commercial was for the new Frank Caliendo show. I love Caliendo, he is hilarious. But I don't need to see all of his impressions every time somebody strikes out. Talk about blowing your load. After all of those adds, what are they gonna show on the show? Baseball? This next rant requires it's own paragraph.
Third, I said we like stand up comics. Dane Cook does not meet that standard. He is not comical. But that isn't what pisses me off about those commercials. What really makes me mad is that TBS or Dane Cook or somebody assumes that we need to be convinced of how great the baseball playoffs are. That fuck bag Dane Cook and his smug cock loving smile are not doing anything to remind me of how much I love October. And I thank the baseball gods and all that is holy in Cooperstown, that the Mariners didn't make the playoffs and we were forced to watch Dane Cook tell us why we should love our team or our sport. Look at this clip about the Cubs, http://youtube.com/watch?v=6udu1QFeCwQ. If I were a Cubs fan, I would be enroute to the Cook residence with a bunch of duck tape and a mini bat.
Listen here Dane Cook. FUCK YOU!! I don't care if you had sex with Jessica Simpson or if you like to eat cashew nuts off of your own dick, or what ever. You need to stop making these commercials. You are an insult to baseball, and sports in general. You are not funny. And there is not only one October. It happens every fucking year. There have been millions of Octobers. How can you say that the Cubs have lost for 99 straight years, and then say there is only one October? That doesn't make sense Dane. It is always October for Dane Cook, because October rhymes with Cocktober, and Dane Cook loves Cock. Fuck you Dane Cook, fuck you.
Lastly, here is a new feature I plan on having every day of the baseball playoffs. The ex-Mariner Box Score. We will track how our ex-players are playing this October.
Yorvit Torrealba- 2-4, RBI
Brian Fuentes- 1 IP, 1 K, and it was a really important strike out too.
David Ortiz- 2-3, HR, 2 RBI, R, BB
Jason Veritek- 1-3
And remember, this is just one of many Octobers. Fortunately for the Mariners, there will be others. Fuck Dane Cook.
Boston vs. The Los Angeles Angels of Disneyland-
Well, after game 1, the most interesting and fulfilling story line for me as a Mariners fan is that the Sox are gonna kick the crap out of the Angels. Nothing vindicates my hatred more than seeing our most bitter rival get blown out. The things that are going to captivate the sports world are as follows: Josh Beckett is really really good, David Ortiz took a page from Shaq's "Don't Try Until the Playoffs" book, and that while Mike Scioscia may look like Bobby Knight, he can't coach worth The General's spit. Add to that the fact that the top three coolest Dominican guys are in this series - Manny, Pappi, and Vlad - and you have a series worth paying attention to. Boston in three.
New York vs. Cleveland-
I am always interested in any series where Alex Rodriguez has a chance to further cement himself as the most un-clutch player of all time. If he chokes, the Yankees are dead in the water, and he is done as a Yankee. The real excitement though, will come from Cleveland's starting rotation, which I feel is the best in the playoffs. I'll take C.C. and Fausto over Wang and Pettite any day. Throw in a solid Jake Westbrook and a decent Paul Byrd, if it goes past game 3, and the Indians are looking pretty good. Mussina officially sucks, and Clemens is getting pretty close to joining him. And, did you know CC and Fausto went a combined 8-0 with an ERA of 2.08 in September. Conversely, the Yankees beat the Indians all six times they played this season. Go figure. A-Rod will have a monster series, but Cleveland in four.
Arizona vs. Chicago-
I have a really hard time watching this series without overheating with anger due to the fact that both of the managers used to be ours, but when I get past that, this is a great series. The things that have me most excited to watch this series, are the same things that had me excited to watch the Cubs all year, Carlos Zambrano's arm, and Carlos Zambrano's bat. I love watching this guy pitch. He over powers guys with his fastball, then makes them look very very silly with his nasty curve, all the while wearing his hat tilted slightly to the east. If that weren't enough, he batted higher than any other pitcher in baseball this year (.249, 45 points higher than Richie Sexson), and has the ability to go yard big time (12 career home runs, twice as many as Willie Bloomquist). But Zambrano isn't the only reason I love this series. The Diamond Backs are by far the youngest team in the playoffs. Guys like Chris Young, and Brandon Webb are the future of baseball, and this our first chance to see them on a national level. After game 1 though, I am a bit disappointed. The Cubs lost, and although Big Z did have a double, he looked like mid season Z, not late season Z, which is too bad. On the plus side, this means we get to see him in game five. Plus, as long as they're not playing the Mariners, I will never root against any Lou Piniella managed team. Oh yeah, Cubs in five.
Colorado vs. Philadelphia-
This is my favorite first round series by far. The way both of these teams played down the stretch to even get to the playoffs is what baseball is all about. The Phills running down the Mets in the most absurd collapse in baseball history. The Rockies not only winning 12 of their last 13, but also coming from two runs down in the bottom of the 13th in the one game playoff. Crazy!! The only bad part about this series is that one of these two teams dream season run has to come to an end. Also, I love both of these managers. Remember back in the first or second week of the season when Charlie Manual flipped out and started yelling at reporters? That was hilarious. Plus, the Rockies manager's name is Clint Hurdle. Can you think of a better name for a Colorado manager? I can't. Clint, it just makes sense. Rockies in five.
Hilarious Observations:
-The funniest thing that I have noticed so far is that Tony Clark still plays professional baseball. Remember Tony the Tiger? That guy was really good...in 1997. I didn't know he still played, let alone started. And for the youngest team by average in the playoffs too. If he wasn't on the roster, I think the average age of the D-Backs would be 16.
-The NHL season started today. Canada is happy.
-TBS is trying way too hard to secure it's place as a serious sports station. They have so many poorly informed formulas for attempting to relate to the sports world. First, we love Ernie Johnson for one reason and one reason only, because Charles Barkley tells him that he is gonna "slap the hell out of him" all the time. You can't just throw Cal Ripken and Frank Thomas on screen with him and assume we'll take to that the same way we do to Charles and Kenny. It's not that easy. Second, we like stand up comics, but don't over do it. Every other commercial was for the new Frank Caliendo show. I love Caliendo, he is hilarious. But I don't need to see all of his impressions every time somebody strikes out. Talk about blowing your load. After all of those adds, what are they gonna show on the show? Baseball? This next rant requires it's own paragraph.
Third, I said we like stand up comics. Dane Cook does not meet that standard. He is not comical. But that isn't what pisses me off about those commercials. What really makes me mad is that TBS or Dane Cook or somebody assumes that we need to be convinced of how great the baseball playoffs are. That fuck bag Dane Cook and his smug cock loving smile are not doing anything to remind me of how much I love October. And I thank the baseball gods and all that is holy in Cooperstown, that the Mariners didn't make the playoffs and we were forced to watch Dane Cook tell us why we should love our team or our sport. Look at this clip about the Cubs, http://youtube.com/watch?v=6udu1QFeCwQ. If I were a Cubs fan, I would be enroute to the Cook residence with a bunch of duck tape and a mini bat.
Listen here Dane Cook. FUCK YOU!! I don't care if you had sex with Jessica Simpson or if you like to eat cashew nuts off of your own dick, or what ever. You need to stop making these commercials. You are an insult to baseball, and sports in general. You are not funny. And there is not only one October. It happens every fucking year. There have been millions of Octobers. How can you say that the Cubs have lost for 99 straight years, and then say there is only one October? That doesn't make sense Dane. It is always October for Dane Cook, because October rhymes with Cocktober, and Dane Cook loves Cock. Fuck you Dane Cook, fuck you.
Lastly, here is a new feature I plan on having every day of the baseball playoffs. The ex-Mariner Box Score. We will track how our ex-players are playing this October.
Yorvit Torrealba- 2-4, RBI
Brian Fuentes- 1 IP, 1 K, and it was a really important strike out too.
David Ortiz- 2-3, HR, 2 RBI, R, BB
Jason Veritek- 1-3
And remember, this is just one of many Octobers. Fortunately for the Mariners, there will be others. Fuck Dane Cook.
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
Who Called Doc Brown?
It seems like the world of sports has jumped into the Delorian and turned the clock back to about 2000 or 2001. Randy Moss has 7 TD catches through 4 games, Daunte Culpepper scored 5 TD's by himself on Sunday, and Brett Favre looks like he's 27 not 37. If not for the fact that the Mariners were in the playoffs in both '00 and '01, I would be convinced we had time warped. But alas we are home for another October to watch what seems like every ex-Mariner play on other playoff teams.
Here's a quick list of ex-M's in this year's Playoffs: Mike Timlin, Jason Varitek, David Ortiz, Ron Villone, Alex Rodriguez, Asdrubal Cabrera, Brian Fuentes, Yorvit Torrealba, Lou Piniella, Bob Melvin, Freddy Garcia, Jamey Moyer, Jose Mesa, Greg Dobbs, Randy Johnson and Jeff Cirillo.
While I admit that I am glad that most of these guys are no longer with us, this is still a long list of guys that will be busy this fall, while our team is fishing and golfing and watching football.
But let's move on from the M's to a more happy topic, the Hawks. They look good. Maybe I'm not as crazy as I looked in late August when I predicted that they would win the Super Bowl.
One more thing on the M's. I was really really wrong about that prediction....jeez, playoffs? Playoffs? Don't talk about playoffs. I won't take any crap about jinxing them though, they suck, I had nothing to do with that.
Back to the Hawks. They are one botched hand off away from being 4-0 and they looked really sharp on Sunday. Not that holding the 49er's offense to 3 points is all that impressive, especially when they had to play Trent Dilfer for most of the game, we will still give credit where credit is due. Julian Peterson is on his game, Rocky Bernard is back to his 2005 form and now that Trufant is back on the left side he is playing like he did in his rookie season. Let's look at strengths, weaknesses, and things people need to know and should shut up about.
Strengths:
-Matt Hasselbeck. His passer rating is over 100, he is completing 67% of his throws, and he is as healthy as he was 2005. All of these things lead to wins.
-Dieon Branch. For everyone who said that trading a first round draft pick for him was a bad idea, how does that crow taste? He is perfect for our offense. We throw slants and outs. We are a dip and dunk offense, and he is the perfect short pass, slot receiver. He's gonna catch 85 passes, and 10 TD's. And above all, he seems to be high less than 75% of the time, which gives him a huge edge over Darrell Jackson.
-The Defense. Lofa Tatupu, Julian Peterson and Leroy Hill are quite possibly the best linebacking core in the NFC. We actually have safety's (Russel and Grant) who know how to tackle and catch and they have yet to let any receiver get behind them all year. The only weakness is the Jennings/Wilson corner platoon. They are undersized, but they are both very fast and very athletic, and if our only defensive weakness is one corner, I am happy.
Weaknesses:
-Shaun Alexander, and his inability to run. Although our O Line isn't what it was in 2005, it is vastly better than it was in 2006, if not only because Walter Jones is actually healthy. That said, Shaun Alexander sucks. He hits the hole about as hard as an 8 year old girl hits a soft ball. He dances and tip toes and waits for the play to develop, then he takes three steps and falls before the contact.
-Shaun Alexander, and his inability to catch. He has a broken hand, so his already terrible receiving skills are now even worse. With two healthy hands he couldn't catch a cold in Alaska, now he's a paraplegic in the middle of a lake. He's dead, and he will be our downfall.
-Shaun Alexander, and his inability to block. Why not just put in a wet paper bag on passing plays, at least that way maybe the defense will slip on it or something. My advise to Shaun is to move to Spain, become a matador because that is how he blocks, buy a villa in the hills and make olive oil. Olay!!
Things people need to shut up about:
-Our Scoring. We don't have a big play offense, so accordingly we are not going to score 40 points a game. We play a very conservative version of the west coast that thrives on time of possession, running, and accurate passing. That said, when we win we will have the ball for two thirds of the game, and we will only score 20-30 points. But...we will win most of the time if we execute the offense correctly. So far so good, so shut up.
-Josh Brown. Franchising a kicker is, in most cases, unacceptable. But when your kicker won four games in the previous season on last second kicks, franchising him is a totally defensible action. Josh Brown is good. He is consistent. And above all he is clutch. There is no substitute for a franchise with a cold blooded kicker. Thus we franchised our cold blooded kicker.
Here's a quick list of ex-M's in this year's Playoffs: Mike Timlin, Jason Varitek, David Ortiz, Ron Villone, Alex Rodriguez, Asdrubal Cabrera, Brian Fuentes, Yorvit Torrealba, Lou Piniella, Bob Melvin, Freddy Garcia, Jamey Moyer, Jose Mesa, Greg Dobbs, Randy Johnson and Jeff Cirillo.
While I admit that I am glad that most of these guys are no longer with us, this is still a long list of guys that will be busy this fall, while our team is fishing and golfing and watching football.
But let's move on from the M's to a more happy topic, the Hawks. They look good. Maybe I'm not as crazy as I looked in late August when I predicted that they would win the Super Bowl.
One more thing on the M's. I was really really wrong about that prediction....jeez, playoffs? Playoffs? Don't talk about playoffs. I won't take any crap about jinxing them though, they suck, I had nothing to do with that.
Back to the Hawks. They are one botched hand off away from being 4-0 and they looked really sharp on Sunday. Not that holding the 49er's offense to 3 points is all that impressive, especially when they had to play Trent Dilfer for most of the game, we will still give credit where credit is due. Julian Peterson is on his game, Rocky Bernard is back to his 2005 form and now that Trufant is back on the left side he is playing like he did in his rookie season. Let's look at strengths, weaknesses, and things people need to know and should shut up about.
Strengths:
-Matt Hasselbeck. His passer rating is over 100, he is completing 67% of his throws, and he is as healthy as he was 2005. All of these things lead to wins.
-Dieon Branch. For everyone who said that trading a first round draft pick for him was a bad idea, how does that crow taste? He is perfect for our offense. We throw slants and outs. We are a dip and dunk offense, and he is the perfect short pass, slot receiver. He's gonna catch 85 passes, and 10 TD's. And above all, he seems to be high less than 75% of the time, which gives him a huge edge over Darrell Jackson.
-The Defense. Lofa Tatupu, Julian Peterson and Leroy Hill are quite possibly the best linebacking core in the NFC. We actually have safety's (Russel and Grant) who know how to tackle and catch and they have yet to let any receiver get behind them all year. The only weakness is the Jennings/Wilson corner platoon. They are undersized, but they are both very fast and very athletic, and if our only defensive weakness is one corner, I am happy.
Weaknesses:
-Shaun Alexander, and his inability to run. Although our O Line isn't what it was in 2005, it is vastly better than it was in 2006, if not only because Walter Jones is actually healthy. That said, Shaun Alexander sucks. He hits the hole about as hard as an 8 year old girl hits a soft ball. He dances and tip toes and waits for the play to develop, then he takes three steps and falls before the contact.
-Shaun Alexander, and his inability to catch. He has a broken hand, so his already terrible receiving skills are now even worse. With two healthy hands he couldn't catch a cold in Alaska, now he's a paraplegic in the middle of a lake. He's dead, and he will be our downfall.
-Shaun Alexander, and his inability to block. Why not just put in a wet paper bag on passing plays, at least that way maybe the defense will slip on it or something. My advise to Shaun is to move to Spain, become a matador because that is how he blocks, buy a villa in the hills and make olive oil. Olay!!
Things people need to shut up about:
-Our Scoring. We don't have a big play offense, so accordingly we are not going to score 40 points a game. We play a very conservative version of the west coast that thrives on time of possession, running, and accurate passing. That said, when we win we will have the ball for two thirds of the game, and we will only score 20-30 points. But...we will win most of the time if we execute the offense correctly. So far so good, so shut up.
-Josh Brown. Franchising a kicker is, in most cases, unacceptable. But when your kicker won four games in the previous season on last second kicks, franchising him is a totally defensible action. Josh Brown is good. He is consistent. And above all he is clutch. There is no substitute for a franchise with a cold blooded kicker. Thus we franchised our cold blooded kicker.
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