I was happy to give you all a look into my favorite five guys to watch this season in college basketball. But we all know that I would much rather talk about things that bother me than things that I like. That is why this blog will be dedicated to the five guys in college basketball that I love to hate. The mere sight of these guys sends me into a profanity laden rage. I can't stand their style of play, the way they look, or the things they say. But, the older that I get, the more I realize that these are the guys that fuel my fire for sports. I find myself far more into a game if I am actively rooting against a player or a team, than if I am rooting for a player or a team. If that makes me a hater, then so be it. But I know one thing, making fun of guys is a lot funnier than praising them.
When reading about who I hate most in college basketball, you'll notice that these guys have quite a bit in common. I won't tell you what these similarities are, but let me know if you notice. Also, please accept my apology now if you are white, ugly, or a Duke Blue Devil. God save you if you're all three.
Without any further ado, here are my "Fave Five" players to hate in 2007-2008's college basketball season.
Greg Paulus, Duke-
"What? How can you hate Greg Paulus? He is great. He was an All-American in both football and basketball in high school. He had to make the choice between Duke to play basketball, and Notre Dame to play football. He has gotten better every year of college. And he is one of the hardest working guys in the country."
Here is my retort.
The fact that he considered either Duke or Notre Dame as acceptable options for his collegiate career is about as much as I need to hate a guy. In fact, anyone who would even think about going to Notre Dame is an idiot. And I'm not just mad about the ethnic insensitivity of the mascot either. There are more douche bags between Notre Dame football and Duke B-ball alumni than a Dave Mathews concert at the Gorge.
"What? I love DMB."
In conclusion. If you like Greg Paulus, Duke, Notre Dame, or DMB at the Gorge...you are a douche bag. Also, I have no real reason to hate Greg Paulus, I just do. Duke Point Guard + hard nosed honky = Hate Hate Hate Hate.
Luke Harangody, Notre Dame-
The mere thought of attending Notre Dame was enough for me to hate Greg Paulus, so you can imagine what a guy who actually goes there does to me.
Luke Harangody is basically Notre Dame's version of Jon Brockman. A 20 and 10 guy who has no chance of being any good in the NBA, who all the home fans love, but everybody else absolutely despises. A hard working Catholic boy, who has probably broken his nose more times than he's had sex. Who's only move can aptly be described as "lower your shoulder and plow."
Also, Harangody looks exactly like every meat head frat guy from every college movie that was released in the late 70's and early 80's. Tell me that this isn't an exact mix between Jon Brockman and the bully from "Revenge of the Nerds 2", http://vmedia.rivals.com/IMAGES/PROSPECT/PHOTO/LUKEHARANGODY6_7A150.JPG.
Aaron Baynes, Washington State-
Basically take everything that I said about Harangody, then add the fact that Baynes is a left handed Coug from Australia, and we have a quite a recipe for hate. He reminds me of the white guy from "Blood Sport". You know, the guy that wore he Harley Davidson bandana, and got his spine broken by Chong Li. If only Chong Li would make a trip to Pullman.
Brooke Lopez/Robin Lopez, Stanford-
As if one giant, ugly, shot blocking Stanford Cardinal wasn't enough. I hate these guys so much that I'm mad at their mom for allowing her egg to split...I think that's how twins happen isn't it. Who knows? Anyway, these two look like trolls. The only way you can tell them apart is that Brook has short hair, ad Robin has long hair. And that Brook is twice as good as Robin. It's gonna suck when Brook is in the NBA and Robin has to go back home and be the assistant coach on his high school JV team.
Lorenzo Mata-Real, UCLA-
I retract the statement that I made two days ago about Henry Waxman. He is not the ugliest man alive. That honor is undeniably held by Lorenzo Mata-Real. Although, after a comment made by an astute reader named Gabe Showalter, I am pretty sure that Henry Waxman is the father of Lorenzo Mata-Real...Which makes them the ugliest family in the world. The Lopez family is relieved.
Sixth Man:
David Pendergraft, Gonzaga-
Uh...redheaded.
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1 comment:
"Greg Paulus is my friend."
In 2005 I visited the Duke campus in North Carolina for the PKE fraternity's once-every-four-years "Pikes of the Caribbean Party." While strolling the campus grounds, my friend Scott and I walked past a decently built guy in basketball shorts who had a broken arm, and my friend started talking to him. After the conversation, I asked him who it was, and Scott said, "Greg Paulus. He's the point guard of the basketball team."
I just wanted to share that small anecdote, so that you would know that I had been "intimate" with a semi-famous basketball player and maybe be less reticent about holding my hand next time we hang out. U R a cutie.
- Boosh Clown
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