The Deadline

With everything that happens in sports, and life, you can choose to look at things in a multitude of ways. With the passing of the recent trading deadline, the Mariners did as they have done in five of the last seven years, they did nothing. Choosing instead to fight for the fall with the bunch that has gotten them this far. I feel very strongly about their decision to do this, but instead of using this entire blog to air my feelings on the inaction, I am going get schizophrenic and tap into all of the various sports fans that live inside my head. If anyone has ever watched a sporting event with me, you know what I am talking about. I have more mood swings in a nine inning game than a pregnant woman has in nine months. So instead of getting one angle on the Mariners deadline flat-line, I'm getting a bunch.

Eternal Pessimist-
If you want to make a splash in the division, and actually make it look like you are interested in winning, you make a god damn trade. Every summer the same teams make trades: the Yankees, the Red Sox, the Cardinals and the Braves. And every fall the same teams are in the playoffs: the Yankees, the Red Sox, the Cardinals and the Braves. This is just further proof that we are a second tier team. If you want to win, you make a trade, and it is blatantly clear that we have no interest in winning.

Traditional Optimist-
Everything is going to be fine. We didn't need to make a trade. We have everything we need right here in our own back yard. Our main needs were a left handed bat, a starting pitcher and some speed and power off of the bench. Well look at what already have. Replace Richie Sexson with Ben Broussard, and there's your lefty. Jeff Weaver is a different pitcher than he was two months ago, so in a way he is the starting pitcher that we needed just by turning his season around. And as far as speed and power off of the bench, Adam Jones is leading the PCL in home runs and he's lightning quick. Send Sexson to Tacoma, bring up Jones, and theres the trifecta, all three problems solved, and we didn't have to lose any prospects in the process.

Average Seattle Fan:
What we should have done is gotten Griffey back. He said he wanted to be here. He said it in his own words to all 46,000 of us while we stood and clapped and cried when he came home in June. Trade who ever it takes to get him. Adam Jones, Wladamir Balentine, anybody. Who cares if he's 37, and is in a contract year next year. Who cares if he makes 15 million dollars a season. Who cares if he said he didn't want to DH. Who cares? All we need is Griffey. Remember 1995? Yeah, that was awesome. Refuse to Lose.

Adam Jones-
Thank god those stupid ass holes didn't trade me. Cuz I'm gonna be sick. I have 24 home runs in triple A. What they should do is bring me the fuck up, because this league is a joke. I go 2-4 with two RBI every damn night. I'm better right now, than Richie Sexson ever was. Plus I'm down right dreamy, and Andy Bunker would date me if he or I were gay.

Feminist-
The Mariners did make a move at the trading deadline, and it was the best move they could have made. They traded that shit head wife beater, Julio Mateo, and unloaded his unusually large contract in the process. Who cares that he is a fantastic relief pitcher, and all they got was a descent short stop prospect, it was a victory for social justice. They immediately suspended him when he was arrested, they didn't let him back on the major league team ever, and then they dealt him proving that the Seattle Mariners franchise says no to domestic violence. Thumbs up M's, great move.

Clay Bennett-
I'm a stupid butt fuck. I don't care if the Mariners traded anybody or not. All I care about is sticking cucumbers up my ass. That's what we do in Oklahoma City. It's or own little secret for pickle making. And let me tell you, ass pickles are delicious. I love ass pickles. Remember that, when you think about Clay Bennett, think ass pickles.

Frog-
Ribbit.

My actual Thoughts-
I am actually whole heartedly happy that we didn't make a trade. Because honestly there wasn't anything out there that we needed. I'm not saying that we couldn't have used some things to improve our team, but the things that we needed were not out there. The biggest names on the market were Mark Tiexiera and Eric Gagne, and we already have solid guys at both of their positions, assuming we immediately replace Richie Sexson with Ben Broussard. What is the point of making a trade just for the sake of making a trade. That is stupid. That is just the stupid deer in the headlights move that Bill Bevasi usually makes, so actually us doing nothing makes me incredibly happy because it makes me think that Bevasi may not have downs syndrome after all. Trading Adam Jones would have been the dumbest move we've made since trading David Ortiz for Dave Hollins. We really would have regretted that. Adam Jones is amazing, and he is going to be a star. Plus he has the same name as "Pac Man" and that is really cool. We need to think of a video game nick name for him, similar to pac man, but different and better. My vote is tetris. Both a cool old game, and a reference to the fact that Adam Jones is going to fit perfectly into our team. Oh yeah....Clay Bennett. Ass pickles.