Losers of the Week

It has been over a week since my last post, and for that I am extremely sorry. I know how hard it is for all of you tredge through your day to day lives without the comic therapy of Road to the BigTime. I've been globe trotting. And as a easy as I thought it would be to take a couple of hours during my trip to write a blog or two, it has been anything but. And in a week where a so much has happened - Barry Bonds breaking the record, Tiger's 13th, David Beckham continuing to get paid to wear warm-ups and sign autographs, me going to Camden Yards - I have been completely MIA. With that said, I will make up for my week of absence with a couple of promises and "Douche Bags of the Week." First I promise that I have two seperate updates to come in the next few days dealing with some of the events of last week, one dedicated to Barry, one dedicated to my trip to Camden Yards. Secondly, the list:

Douche Bags of the Week-

Stephen Ames-
I guess you can't blame him. He only did what every one else who has ever been in his place has done. And he only did exactly what we all knew he would do. But still, a 76 on Sunday of a major. He was down by 2 going into the round, and he lost by 10. This is the same guy that questioned Tiger's ability to hit fairways a couple of years ago before a match play tournament, then got devoured by Tiger 9 and 8. That is one of those things that doesn't go away quickly, compound that with playing in the final round of a major with Tiger, and what do you get? A warm puddle of something.

Jeremy Schaap-
I'm not sure if anybody has seen these "special" stories that Jeremy Schaap (who was once called a spineless Jew snake by Bobby Fischer) has been doing every month or so on Sportscenter. I have been annoyed by this man and his pointless self important stories for years, but last nights "special" on a team of US mountain climbing spies took the entire cake and the ice creme too. What the hell is wrong with Jeremy Schaap? The entire story was more or less a conspiracy theory about how these US and Indian mountain climbers carried a bunch of plutonium to the top of a mountain to help power a machine that was used to spy on the Chinese. Described that way, it sounds amazing actually. But it wasn't. Jeremy Schaap managed to inject as much of his whiney, choir boy voice as possible. Used really lame camera shots of the White house or of the Capital building every time they made reference to the US government. And conducted totally useless interviews with 65 year old guys that blame all of their health problems on the plutonium. Maybe you guys are 65 and you have arthritis because you are old. Jeremy Shaap sucks.

Me-
For going 10 days with out an update. My appologies to Tam, I hope this gets you through your day. And to Jonah because I promised my Bonds thoughts 5 days ago, they're coming soon. They, and my description of my day at Camden Yards, will both be long and funny and above all, culturally relivant.


Heroes of the Week-

Boo Weekly-
He not only played really well in the PGA Championship, while smoking, chewing tabacco, speaking in only Southern slang, and while most likely hung over, he also had the kindness to rid us of Sergio on Sunday. He and Sergio aka "la excusa", played together on Saturday. It is the duty of the playing partner to record the score of the guy he is playing with on every hole. He put a 4 down for Sergio on hole 7, while in reality La Excusa got a 5. Sergio didn't notice, signed the card, and was DQed for signing an incorrect card. Sergio's response, "It just continues." Yes it does Sergio. And I hope it never stops.

Nina Lang-
I realize that this happened about a week and a half ago, but she needs to get some props for this. Any time some body who I am friends with meets one of my all time favorite athletes (Griffey, GP, Manny, Pappi, etc.) I will inevitably be pretty jealous. But Nina took it to another level. She ran into both Manny and Pappi at a club in Belltown, and she actually hung out with them twice. She drank merlot with Manny, and David Ortiz even asked if he could grab her butt. So, a big salute to Nina, her appreciation for good wine, and her butt.

Kevin Cremin-
Kevin is the dad of a friend of mine from high school, Colleen, and he is also the producer/engineer of the Mariners radio broadcast. I called him the day before I left for DC to see if I could get some tickets to the game in Baltimore, and he came through big time. Two free seats, 20 rows up, right behind home plate. $40 seats like it was nothing. Thanks Mr. Cremin.