Sunday, July 29, 2007

The Four Horsemen of the Sports Apocalypse

Welcome to the congregation. The church of Sport is now in session. We will be reading from the King LeBron James Bible, chapter six in the Book of Bunktown. Heavy indulgence in the sacrament is strongly encouraged.

Let's get to the point. Sports are in trouble. The Tour de France is officially a joke. Last years champion, Floyd Landis, is currently involved in a lengthy litigation regarding his alleged cheating in last years race. The best rider on the best team this year was disqualified due to blood doping, and the TV ratings are lower this year that they have been since before Lance Armstrong.

Baseball is approaching quite possibly the most awkward moment in sports history when Barry Bonds breaks Hank Aaron's home run record and Bud Selig is forced to pretend to be happy for him. Remember in "Office Space" when the whole office had a birthday party for Bill Lumberg, and everyone half heartedly sang for him, and Milton didn't get any cake. Well, Bud Selig and the higher ups in baseball are going to half heartedly sing, and we the fans will get no cake.

As everyday passes it seems like more and more hope for Mike Vick playing in the NFL again slip further and further away. The Falcons told him not to come to mini camp. Nike and Reebok both pulled all of his merchandise off of the shelves. And today, one of his "boys" agreed to a plea bargain with the court in which he will more than likely spill the beans on the entire dog fighting operation. Mike Vick is done.

And last but not least, Tom Donaghy. The more I find out about this case, the more I am afraid. The chances that this guy was acting alone are seeming to be very minimal. I have a really bad feeling that he is the first domino in an entire free fall of NBA scandal. This guy has been reffing NBA games for over 10 years. Remember who the best players in the NBA where 10 years ago? Yeah, Michael Jordan and Charles Barkley. I'm not saying anything, but there is the potential for an absolutely catastrophic disaster on our hands. Those guys like to gamble, and there have been conspiracy theories floated around for years about the things that the NBA had to do to try to stop Jordan. I would be shocked if we find out anything linking any players to the scandal, but you never know, two weeks ago we were shocked to hear about Donaghy.

It may not be raining frogs, but Bonds will tell you, it's been raining boo's for three years. The seas and the rivers may not be on boiling, but Mike Vick and Tom Donaghy are in a lot of hot water. And Floyd Landis hasn't been seen on a bike in about a year, but in my mind he's riding the White Horse in the sports apocalypse. Vick, Bonds and Donaghy are right behind him, all on horses, and if we don't make some glue pretty quick, the sports world is going to fall apart.

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