Predicaments and Predictions

As the summer sadly slips away, we need to remember that with fall comes a great time of the year for sports. Pennant races and baseball playoffs, college and pro football, I make another run at fantasy football dominance, the FedEx Cup in golf giving us another month and a half of meaningful Tiger watching, EPL soccer is back after a long summer, Team USA Basketball tries to prove it is worthy of the Olympics, and above all Franklin Boys Golf makes another run at a state championship...or at least a run at two wins. With all this fun on the horizon, what kind of sports buff would I be if I didn't attempt to tell you exactly how all of these events will turn out.

But before I get into profit mode, I have to set aside all of my loyalties and home town biases to make a fair and accurate attempt at predicting the entire Autumn in sports. Here are the main predicaments that I face:

1. Last night, as I was flipping through my collection of VHS tapes trying to find a way to spend a quiet night at home, I stumbled accross my copy of the tape "My Oh My!" The movie that tells the story of the 1995 Seattle Mariners. Let's just say it was a quiet night ruined. All the jaded skepticism that has built up over the past 15 years of being a Seattle Sports fan, was magically washed away. I felt like Will Smith came to my house in a black suit and erased all my Mariner memories with that flashy thing from "Men in Black." Before I was ten minutes into the tape, I had risen from my reclined position on my couch, and I was standing in the middle of my living room with my mit and a tennis ball playing catch against my wall, yelling "Refuse to Lose" with a rally cap on. Before the movie was over, I was already convincing myself that this years team has all the makings for a 95'esque run. So, there's my predicament. "My Oh My" has convinced me that anything is possible, and overcoming this will be a challenge when attempting to accurately predict the pennant race.

2. I listened to Elise Woodward's interview with Dick Beard on Monday night, and he convinced me that this years Huskie team, "has a lot of spunk." I don't know if you've heard Dick Beard on the air before, but I am pretty sure that his prediction record is the exact same as the Huskies record for the past 10 seasons. He never thinks they can lose. And he is always convincing. They could be playing the '77 Dolphins and he'd give some crazy reason why ,"you shouldn't count them out." Thanks to Dick Beard I am a believer.

3. I am a lot busier than I have been for the past couple of falls, so my Fantasy Football prowise maybe coming to an end. It is widely known that in order to win any fantasy football league worth its entry fee, you have to be willing to effectively shut off your social life as you know it for three months. Nobody wins a good league simpy by having a good draft, or a good pick up or two. You have to dedicate yourself to the fact that you are the biggest stats nerd in the league, and further more you have to accept that you will not be getting laid at all until the season is over. Knowing that Donald Driver has been in the top three in recieving yards in each of the past three seasons, or that Ladell Betts was in the top 10 in rushing yard last season in only nine starts, has never gotten any body laid, ever. Many a man has had to face the fact that if they want to win their league, it maybe at the expense of their relationship. I don't think I'm ready for that.

4. Franklin Boys Golf. That's the predicament. Franklin Boys Golf. In a conversation I had the other day with one of my three returning Varsity Starters, who goes to U Prep and plays for us via a weird Kingco zoning rule by the way, we realized that there are actually only two "good" golfers at Franklin. He said, "I'm good, but I go to U Prep. Aside from Edgar and Brandon, Franklin has zero goflers." So there's the problem. No need to delve any deeper. This predicament, while hurting the team, may actually help my prediction. Sad.

With all that out in the open, here are the Fall Predictions.

The Pennant Race and the Baseball Playoffs-

While I was deeply inspired by my recent viewing of "My Oh My", it is important to note some of the main differences between the '95 team and this Mariners team. Namely: Ken Griffey Jr., Edgar Martinez, Tino Martinez, Jay Buhner and Randy Johnson. But before I fall into the trap that every Seattle fan seems to fall into, you gotta to remember that the '95 team has no bearing on this years team. We don't have any of those guys anymore, nor do have to play against them, so let's stop talking about them. That said, I think we have a shot at both the division and the wild card. Here's why. Our fate is in our own hands, and so far this year we've taken advantage of that. We took two of three from the Angels last month, and we've taken four out of seven from the Yankees this year. With seven remaining games versus the Angels, three here and four there, and a huge three game series at the beginning of September in the Bronx, it's up to us to make it happen. Plus 14 of our final 21 games are at home where we are 17 games over .500, including the final seven. And we have a combined winning record against the final five teams we play. The prediction is as follows: The Angels will win the West, the Indians will win the Central, The Red Sox will win the East, and the M's will make the Wild Card.

Huskies Football-

The Dawgs are facing the hardest opening seven games in recent history. And even Dick Beard can't argue against that. It is totally possible that they could start the year 0-7, but they won't. You can't underestimate the difficulty of traveling 3000 miles to play your first game of the season. Not to mention that Syracuse has a senior Quarterback, and it's leading receiver and rusher back from last season. This game is gonna be tough. I think it will be very telling of the season as a whole. We will find out a lot about the team in this game. What do I think will happen? I think they're gonna win. I think they'll win five games this year (Syracuse, Arizona St., Arizona, Stanford, and Wazzu). Call me a pessimist, but it's a tough schedule. Six ranked teams, and eight teams that could be ranked by the end of the year. We'll be solid next year though. Sorry Dick.

Seahawks Football-

I think that getting rid of Darrel Jackson and Jeremy "How dumb are you" Stevens will be the best thing this team has done since letting Jerry Rice wear #80. Shaun Alexander has something to prove, Deion Branch will be used correctly, DJ Hackett is going to be a nice surprise and make a lot of fantasy owners very happy, and as long as the O line stays healthy, this could be our year. The O line is a big "if" though. With last years team being a veritable game of injured musical chairs, health will be the deal breaker this season. In a season where we had at least two different players start at 10 of the 11 offensive positions, and we were still one play away from the NFC Championship game, there is no reason we can't be back in the Super Bowl this year. And we will be. Here's the prediction. This is our year. Quote me, "the Seahawks will win Super Bowl 42." By the way, I have no idea who Randy Moss is, or who he plays for, so don't ask.

Fantasy Football-

This is easy. Since I got kicked out of the league I won last year, due to thorough dominance and unyielding amounts of trash talk, I've been forced to start my own league. And since it's so late in the summer, the only people who aren't in a hundred leagues already are my friends who have never played before. My prediction: in week five I'll convince Ben Steitzer to trade me Peyton Manning for a three packs of Gushers and a graphic novel, and I'll win the league by five hundred points.

FedEx Cup-

Tiger will skip the first leg of the Cup, because he can, and still win the thing by an overwhelming amount of points. Comparing Tiger to the rest of the field isn't even fun anymore. The only way to appreciate Tiger these days is to look at his ungodly stats, and just laugh. Did you know he has come in first, second or third in 48% of all the tournaments he has ever entered. The second best percentage is Jack Nicklaus at 28%. That is a joke. If Tiger's in it and matters, he's probably gonna win. FedEx Cup number one goes to Tiger.

USA Basketball-

Well, in the two games I've watched one thing has become pretty clear, Mike Krysewski looks like an angry aardvark. The fact that they have two dominating players at every position, makes this a cake walk. Plus they designed this team as just that, a team. Actual point guards and shooters and rebounders and shot blockers. Sprinkle in Kobe, Bron Bron and Melo, and you have a delicious recipe. It's called "Victory" and it smells like the Olympics.

Fraklin Golf-

Now to the most important prediction. Let me first say that all that shit I was talking last year about Coach of the Year, will never happen in a million years. I'm not saying I didn't deserve it, especially for the girls, because I did. But I found out a lot about Kingco golf last night at our annual coaches meeting. The first thing I found out is that all the other coaches, except me and the Garfield coach, are pals. They go to each others birthday parties, they go golfing and camping and they all hang out. It's like third grade, and I'm the kid who eats his boogers. In fact, more than half of them didn't even remember that I coached last year. And most of them saw me in the Spring with the girls team. I'm not saying that I'm the most memorable guy in the world, but how can you forget the one coach who isn't 45 years old, with a beer belly and a genuine hatred for life. I stand out. But not only did they not remember who I was, they took shots at me. One coach said, "I think every body is here, let's get started. Except for Franklin...of course." Hey asshole, I'm right here, in a damn Franklin T-shirt. All I could muster as a come back was, "you don't remember me, I'm the young good looking coach." That warranted a few muffled giggles from the crowd. The point is that if they don't remember me, the chances that I will win an award are pretty slim. Oh well, at least I'm not middle aged with a failing marriage, that is award enough for me. As for the prediction. Zero wins. My best golfer graduated. My new best golfer has a classic case of Quakeritis: who cares if I flunk, I wear Jordans and Dunks. My favorite golfer, and second best player, moved to Kent. And the only other kid who is any good is a U Prep kid who listens to The Fray. It's looking like a long season. Let's just hope we get a funny quote or two, and another hilarious crack head fight.

That is the Fall Prediction Edition of Road to the BigTime. If any of what I say turns out to be right, I'll be as surprised as the rest of you.