Haitian Voodoo Rattle!?!

Every once in a while an announcer will lose his mind and act like he's at home watching the game with his friends. I always appreciate this for a few reasons: it means the announcer really loves the game, it is exactly what I would do if I were an announcer, and it is always hilarious. Over the years I have seen and been told of loads of great announcer slip ups, some I've seen live, some I've YouTubed, but until yesterday I'd never seen one this ridiculous. Before I get into my frog like dissection of this call, let me share with you some of my all time favorites.


The Band is on the Field- We've all seen this one. Often referred to as "the Game". The fact that the band was on the field was indeed crazy, but the announcer went nuts. I couldn't find the long clip, but in this one you get the picture. http://youtube.com/watch?v=WgZvkB_i0xc

That's Kinda Gay- This is one of the all time greats. It's a classic case of an announcer forgetting that he isn't in his living room with his buddies. http://youtube.com/watch?v=fXm5vTTTSzk


Appalachian State vs. Michigan- This is a great example of a commentator who decided that the game was so important that he'd forget the fact that he is supposed to give an objective account of the game. The guy is a fan, you can't fault him for that, still funny though.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=q5JPeJnRi6s

Howie Long- This is one of the best kinds of announcer mistakes. Whenever you deviate from the script you are bound to throw the rest of your crew off, but sometimes you just get tired of Joe Buck. And that is exactly what Howie Long did here. The best part is when Joe Buck asks him, "What are you doing?" http://youtube.com/watch?v=bhmhK5gEtf4

Plano East vs. John Tyler Texas State Final- Until today, this was my all time favorite clip of an announcer going totally unprofessional and bat shit over a game. This clip has it all because the game is amazing. The comeback is a thing of legend, but the behavior of the hilarious Texans calling the game is even better. At one point the color commentator says that he, "wet his britches." They break every rule of broadcasting in this four minute clip. http://youtube.com/watch?v=ZHkABO0VwCg



AND NOW....THE GRAND CALL.

Watch it first. Then read my annalysis, then listen again. It only gets better with time.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=IYkdPxRwPVA

In order for a call to achieve maximum points for hilarity, it's important that the play that is being described is great. In this case, Ronaldinho delivers. This goal is absolutely amazing, and without a doubt one of the best goals I've in a long time. That said, I think the announcer may have engaged in a little unwarranted hyperbole. (Shout out to Dan) Let's go call by call, and I'll explain why I love this call so much.

Before the goal even happens, there are hints of insanity in the announcers voice. As they are passing the ball around you can tell that he is the type of announcer who over reacts to even the most common of actions. Any play caller who refers to a team as "in top form" or "sintillating" is clearly looking to over dramatize the game. If you listen carefully you can hear him gasping with excitement at every touch of the ball leading up to the goal. This is great because it means that he is real fan and that this is more than just a job to him. But that doesn't mean he isn't crazy.

What I really want to know is what he is doing for the 10 seconds following the goal, when he allows his partner to describe Ronaldinho's magic. Traditional journalism would say he was acting professionally and waiting his turn to talk, but we know that isn't true because nothing this guy does following the pause falls into the category of Journalistic professionalism. My guess is that he was changing his "wet britches", no no, his wet knickers.

Then comes the call. And quite a call it was. He starts it off with an attention getting, semi clever comparison to the shock that is caused by a dryer in a bath tub. I liked that call. Clearly he had thought of it long before hand, and it was totally contrived, but nevertheless it was pretty funny. Then he decides to play one close to the vest and call the play "breathtaking." At first listen, I was a little thrown off my such a cliche, but when you realize what he follows it up with, it becomes obvious that he was pacing himself, as not to cause massive corrolary damage. The next call is bind blowing. A perfect mix of comedy, insensitivity, political incorrectness, and down right absurdity. I don't even know what it means, but for the rest of my life a great play will be known as "putting the Haitian Voodoo Rattle" on it.

He continues to run off what seems like every call he has ever come up with for the next 30 seconds, then the call takes an even funnier turn. After he is done spewing all of his hyperbolic nonsense, the camera pans to the crown reaction. He has clearly thrown all of his common sense to the wind at this point, and when the camera fixes on a young blond kid going nuts for Ol' Ronnie, he takes a shot at the kid. "And little blondie says, 'I wanna be like him,' I doubt it very much." Why would such a great goal make you want to degrade a kid, this guy is clearly bat shit insane.

The final minute of the call is more of a calm after the storm sort of vibe. Less screaming, less words, but still the excessive descriptions and comparisons. He calls him the soccer Jesus, then recoils into a post orgasmic ball. The only thing that sucks about this is that he can never call another game. He blew his entire collection of calls in a two minute period, sprinkled in with a little kid bashing and blasphemy, and his career is over. Never the less this is my favorite call of all time. With that said, I'm putting the Haitian Voodoo Rattle on this article.